Wednesday, March 12, 2008

It Finally Happened

So, Episode 6 of Life From the Inside is still rapidly climbing higher in numbers. We've been featured on YouTube and the front page of Revver. Which of course means we are getting more comments than before and not all of them are nice.

In fact, at least 2 of them are aimed right at me. At least 2 people have made it a point to comment on how fat I am. Which is my worst fear come true. When we first started working on our show I make it very clear I did not want people to be able to comment since I just knew something like this was going to happen. Yes, I am heavy. Yes, I look much heavier than the other 2 women on our show. And I know how the internet works. People like to be mean just for the sake of being mean.

But, the nature of having a show on the internet is that you need to let people interact with you. So, reluctantly, I acquiesced.

Here's the fun part. Right after we shot Episode 6, I weighed myself for the first time in several months (our scale had been broken for quite awhile, so I threw it out. I only weighed myself because we were house-sitting and they have a nice scale). And this is when I discovered I weighed 230 pounds. I cried. A lot. I freaked the hell out because the last time I had weighed myself I was 189 pounds. Yeah - needless to say, this realization depressed me. A lot.

So The Boyfriend and I embarked on the first part of the "Chez needs to lose a bunch of weight" adventure. And I lost 15 pounds by September! But by Thanksgiving, I gained back 5.

After Christmas, when I realized I just was not capable of doing this by myself, we were house-sitting again which means we were watching a lot of cable tv. Almost every commercial break included a commercial for Nutrisystem. I was intrigued. The Boyfriend and I talked it over and decided I should give it a shot. Even though this decision makes money very tight for us, he was 100% supportive.

It's been 2 months and I've lost 15 pounds (Yes another pound is gone!). Which means, in total, since we shot Episode 6 - I have lost 25 pounds. Just today, a co-worker called to tell me that when I walked by her office, she was astounded at how thin I look already.

So, even though my worst fear is coming true, I'm realizing that I just don't care. The world isn't ending because someone was mean to me online.

Here's how I'm dealing:

1. I am actually fat in that episode. Which means these morons are just pointing out the obvious.

2. I looked at the user profile of one of the jerks and he can't even spell the word "girlfriend" right. I am not going to let some useless, idiot, asshole (that can't spell) dictate to me how I feel about myself.

3. The Boyfriend (and our other producer Steve) were so disappointed that we are even getting these types of comments. Which makes me feel like it's not my job to be upset about them. I have other people doing that for me. Don't get me wrong, I don't like these comments at all, I just don't feel the need to freak out about them.

4. As The Boyfriend pointed out - "Think of it as practice. If we ever get famous, we'll have to deal with this kind of crap all the time."

5. I'm doing so well on Nutrisystem that it's inspired 2 friends of mine to give it a try. How can I feel bad after that?

6. My default setting is to freak out about these kinds of things. I feel like I have jumped a huge personal hurdle that I'm not crying, depressed, etc. over someone else's opinion of me.

Now here's where I pander for you to check out our show.

If this kind of stuff makes you mad, why don't you go to YouTube and leave a nice comment about our show? Or a good rating?

This is a link to the newest episode.

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