Thursday, May 26, 2005

A Hodgepodge

So, Carrie is the new American Idol. I am happy for her. No really, I am. Bo now does not have to record the completely awful songs they had "written" for the show, and he can go on and do the completely kick-ass album we all now he is going to do. I do have to say that it was the least painful 2 hour finale' I have watched. The part that was basically making fun of the whole Corey Clark thing was entertaining, and the whole "Idols performing with their Idols" was good. Well, I should say, the part where Carrie performed with Rascal Flats and Bo performing with Lynard Skynard was really awesome. Especially seeing someone like Bo, who could probably die tomorrow a happy man now, not only perform, but lead his idols on the greatest song ever written. I have never in my life watched someone so happy to be onstage performing. Lynard Skynard are just some cool, cool guys.

Did anyone see David Hasselhoff on the show? Now there is a man who can laugh at himself. He seriously made that kids night. I actually got a little choked up.

I just want to add one more thing to my argument from yesterday as to why Mark Kriski is an idiot. He compared Bo Bice to Meatloaf, in a way that was completely derogatory to both of them. Let's get one more thing straight Mark, Meatloaf kicks ass. That man has sold lots of albums, is a decent actor, has had more women drooling over him than you ever will and was in the biggest cult classic of a movie. Maybe you've heard of it, it's a little thing called "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" and every night in dark theaters across the country people dress up and try to pretend they are half as cool as Meatloaf.
Okay, I'm done with that now.

On to other things that annoy me.

Apparently someone felt the need to explain the poem "When I Am Old I Will Wear Purple" to me that I wrote about awhile ago. Um, I already KNOW what the POEM is about, that wasn't what my post was complaining about and please make sure that you actually READ my post before commenting. Thanks.

Tom Cruise is really, really scaring me. I wish he would go back to the old Tom Cruise who was still a Scientologist, but wasn't allowed to talk about it. By the way Tom, that was really nice of you, the way you are trying to piss off the majority of your fans. Did you really think people were going to think that you know more about Post Partum Depression than, I don't know, a DOCTOR, or a WOMAN? I agree that we as a society are a bit too reliant on pills, but c'mon. Sometimes they are a necessity. Seriously, the man has gone off the deep end. And not in a fun, "Let's watch what crazy thing he does next!" way, but in a, "God I hope he goes away soon" way.

I don't understand how a person who has children and an ex-wife can think that they would be completely comfortable with watching you make out with a woman young enough to be your daughter every day. If I have to look at one more picture of Tom Cruise trying to prove what a man he is by shoving his tongue down a woman's throat, I will just puke. And seriously, Katie Holmes?

I love reading all the rumors that he had this planned all along and it was just a matter of plugging in which hot young Hollywood starlet would play the part of his girlfriend. I seriously hope they get married, because it would inevitably be followed by a divorce, and then hopefully a tell-all book! But that would mean they have to stay together after both of their big summertime blockbusters come out, and I just don't think that's going to happen. Otherwise he wouldn't be able to go back on Oprah and talk about how hurt he is by their break-up and no one understood their love anyways. I am placing my predictions now people.

On a final note:
The Boyfriend and I attended our last night of call-backs last night. They are casting tonight, so hopefully I will have good news tomorrow. If not, I have a wonderful barb-b-que I am attending that will provide me with enough liquor to forget I even auditioned! I win either way!

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Apparently Writing is Hard

So, I have been missing for awhile. Sorry about that. I have stuff going on at work (work being something I will never go into detail here) so let's just leave it as I will be busy for the next few weeks.

Let's speak of better things. The Boyfriend and I have auditioned for summer theater. We were called back for the same shows. One call back was on Monday, and another is tonight. I have to say, I really, really would like to do both shows. Both are comedies and it would be nice to be busy this summer doing theater in the park. If nothing else, I will have great tan lines!

Did you watch American Idol last night? I did. Although I have to admit I was bored. So bored I started reading a magazine in the middle of Carrie's second song. Why is it that the so called professional song writers that American Idol hire can't write a good song to save their lives? I mean come on, those songs were just stupid. I'm guessing it's the same person that wrote "I'm Sorry for 2004" for Ruben Studdard.

I still would like Bo to win. Carrie may technically be a better singer, but she is a wooden stick figure on stage and I think people would quickly realize it's not worth the money to watch her perform since she seems to have no personality or presence.

I was watching the KTLA morning show briefly today when Mark Kriski and Sam Rubin were talking about how Carrie should win because Bo was stuck in the 70's and you couldn't possibly figure out a way to promote him, whereas Carrie is obviously very country and very "now". Here is all the reasons they are wrong:
1. There is no way that Carrie could ever out-rock Bo on stage. He is a thousand times better performer, and actually has a personality when spoken to.
2. How can you say that they would never be able to do a music video with Bo? Have you not heard of this guy called Kid Rock? He is quite popular and has done several videos. In fact, he makes more money than you do.
3. The only reason the guys like Carrie so much is that she is a cute girl.
4. The only reason they hate Bo is because he rocks, he isn't a middle aged fat man and he can actually sing and plays several musical instruments. He is the embodiment of every guys teenage dream of being a rock star.
5. How could you possibly say "the 70's are SO OVER?" As The Boyfriend pointed out, that's like saying "Jazz is so over", or "classical music is so over", or "Blues are so over". Seriously, you just proved why you are a weather man, and not someone who makes decisions about music.
Apparently, according to Mark Kriski, we shouldn't listen to any music that wasn't created last week.

I am now bored with my list as I got so angry I forgot what else to say. I am actually not going to watch the finale' as I have call-backs tonight and I am much more interested in finding out what's happening on "LOST" than anything else.

On a final note:

Did you see the promo's for "Hit Me Baby One More Time?" I can not wait to see Vanilla Ice sing a Britney Spear's song.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

AI Baby

Hi. I am so happy right now. Not only are the 2 people that I wanted in the top 2 for American Idol, but I just finished a ginormous filing project that I have been putting off for 2 weeks. My boss was so happy for me she actually did a celebratory dance FOR ME, since I was all done!

Okay, back to American Idol. I think it's pretty obvious that Bo is going to win. I mean, c'mon, Clive himself said he thought he and Bo would be working on an album together soon!

I don't have much else to say about this. Anyone who has read this knows that I am a big Bo fan, so I don't really need to write any more on this, except that I think it will be very interesting to see the different interpretations that Bo and Carrie will have on the same song.

My biggest gripe is that the 2 hour gorge-fest of a results show for American Idol is to take place as the same time as LOST. I will not miss LOST for anything, so I will be taping American Idol. I wonder who will win the ratings war?
This is a good thing because then I can watch them perform on Tuesday as usual, then find out the results on Wednesday without having to sit through the entire show, but instead, sitting through the fabulousness that is LOST! Maybe I won't even bother taping it! Never mind, I don't have anything to gripe about, because now I won't have to sit through all of the painful numbers they make the Top 10 perform.


Monday, May 16, 2005

When I Am Old I Will Wear Whatever the Hell I Want

This was supposed to be posted on Friday, but I couldn't quite get it right. So I am posting it today after I worked on it a little. And by working on it I mean I just got back from a lunch screening of "Star Wars Episode 3" and I feel like I should throw something up for people to read today!!!!

So, I'm watching/vaguely listening to the news this morning as I was getting ready for work and two really caught my attention.

First of all, I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that the government really believes that women shouldn't be allowed on the front lines because the men, they may get distracted. That's just insulting to everyone. It implies that women are incapable of handling themselves and men are too stupid to not be thinking about sex while being shot at. And, they think the men will be too pre-occupied with protecting the women. Oh seriously, I wish the President would just come out and say that he wishes all women were back in the kitchen where God wanted them and be done with it. Geesh. Like we haven't all seen the part in war movies where some guy/guys risk life and limb just to save some other guy they bonded with in a fox hole. Maybe they should just make sure the front lines are all manned with disgruntled divorcee's and baby-daddies who are so over women, then the government wouldn't have to worry about it.

The second story that caught me attention was about the "Red Hat Society". Okay, first of all, the poem is called "When I Am An Old Woman, I Shall Wear Purple". As much as I think it's a really sappy poem, I do believe that our society is WAY too youth oriented and we do not give enough respect to the people who have been around longer.

With that said, why do older women insist on making fools of themselves while trying to establish themselves as a force to be reckoned with? Why do you have to wear gloves with feathers on them? Or boas? Or purple satin dresses? Nowhere in the poem that they are using as their guidebook does it say "I will dress like a psychotic southerner who has gone colorblind" nor does it say "I will wear ugly purple satin ball gowns and awful red hats and place feathers all over my outfit and generally make a total fool of myself all while demanding that you take me seriously".

Really, if you want people to respect you, maybe this is not quite the way to go about it. I am all for an attempt to alter societies idea to hold up Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan as role models for youngsters, but I also would never want my daughter to think that she needs to dress crazy/tacky in order to get a little attention. Older women are smart, sexy, talented, wise and usually have less body image problems than young women. But, alas, in today's society they are written off as silly and out of date and THIS STUPID RED HAT THING DOESN'T HELP! What exactly do these societies do? I did a little research on this while trying to find the poem in it's entirety, and the official "Red Hat Society" web-page didn't offer much help except in explaining that they get together for tea, and then listed all the times they have been mentioned in the newspapers recently. OH MY GOD. Really, if you would like to do something good, why don't you, I don’t know, try doing something to better society. Try proving that older women know how to have fun without looking like rejects from the local "Rocky Horror Picture Show" screening. I've read of women throwing down their mops and telling their husbands to fend for themselves while they jaunt off the Las Vegas for the weekend. Okay, didn't women's liberation happen over 30 years ago? When did "the man" and "the husband" become synonymous again? The poor husband probably didn't even realize that he was doing anything wrong.

I should point out that this all feeds in to my complete hatred of this "women vs. men" thing. If I get one more stupid forward about how clueless husband are (HAHA) I am going to go berserk. THIS STOPPED BEING FUNNY A LONG TIME AGO. It's called communication people, give it a try.

I really don't know how to end this, so I will just post the poem in it's entirety and call it a day.

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me,
And I shall spend my pensionon brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals,and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired,
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells,
And run my stick along the public railings,
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens,
And learn to spit.You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat,
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go,
Or only bread and pickle for a week,
And hoard pens and pencils and beer mats
and things in boxes.But now we must have clothes that keep us dry,
And pay our rent and not swear in the street,
And set a good example for the children.
We will have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practise a little now?
So people who know meare not too shocked and surprised,
When suddenly I am old and start to wear purple!
Jenny Joseph

*Hi T! I can't believe you commented!

Thursday, May 12, 2005

I Never Thought I Would Say This

But I actually feel a little bad for Anthony. I can't help it. He actually had a good night on Tuesday, way better than he has performed in the past. And then he gets cut. You know people only voted for Vonzell because she cried. Sorry honey, I ain't buying it. You had a crappy performance.

So to recap Tuesday:

Carrie Underwood:
I am totally convinced she has been replaced by a Stepford Wife robot. She just has no performance capability at all. Don't get me wrong, this girl can sing, she is just painful to watch. I am going to start collecting money so she can get a personality.

Bo Bice:
I don't care who you are, if you can't admit that this man is awesome you are just sad. Who else could pull off the 70's pimp outfit while singing "Money, Money, Money?" People, he performed in FIip Flops! And he didn't fall down! And he rocks! Oh man, I would so throw my panties in the stage if I went to one of his concerts. He puts everyone else in this contest to shame. I will just list everything I like about his performances to save time:
1. He almost always picks good songs. I don't know what the heck that country song was he sang, but I liked it.
2. He always gives it up for the band as soon as he is done singing. As we have seen by Carrie's horrible arrangement of "If You Don't Know Me By Now" the band should always be your friend.
3. He is always looks like he is giving it his all. He doesn't care what you think about him, he is performing.
4. His performance don't look over-rehearsed (Vonzell, I am looking at you) and yet he is the most comfortable person on stage.
5. He always takes the judges comments in stride, whether they are good or bad. No arguing, no trying to call Simon out. He just thanks them. People need to take note of this.

I also think she has an amazing voice. I would love to be able to sing as well as she does. But at the same time, I find her performances boring and over-rehearsed. The thing I loved about Fantasia is that you totally felt that she was putting her heart and soul into every performance. Fantasia has this amazing attitude and presence that neither woman left in the Top 3 possesses. I actually would go so far as to say that all of the women in the past who have made it to the top 3 have had way more personality and stage presence than Vonzell and Carrie combined.
Kimberly Locke I so wanted to be in the Top 2!!!!

I am really sad to say this, but I thought he had one of the best nights for him. I didn't have to leave the room while he sang! "If You Don't Know Me By Now" is seriously one of my all time favorite songs, and the fact that his version just kicked Carrie's verions' ass is just weird. But his arrangement and his performance were good. And I hate the country song he performed so much. I feel like Vonzell should have been the one to go based solely on Tuesday nights performances. But we all know that no one votes based on performance alone.

I am VERY interested to see who makes it to the Top 2. If it's Carrie and Vonzell, than I am not going to bother even recording the finale'! Cause I will be watching LOST baby.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Usually Torture Costs More Than This (So I've Been Told)

So The Boyfriend and I went to see "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" on Friday. First, let me say, I love that movie. Well done. I was a huge fan of the books, and now I want to find them and read them all over again. God, the British just make good movies.

This morning there was something on the news about how movies just aren't making the money that they used to. Wow, so not a surprise to anyone who has visited a movie theater lately. The whole problem lies in the fact that going to the movies just isn't fun anymore. And it's really freaking expensive. I am really spoiled in the fact that my job screens movies for us and I am eternally grateful for that. I just can't handle movie theater patrons anymore.

Most movie-goers just have no manners anymore. I don't know how people can take it. I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO YOU TALK THROUGH THIS MOVIE. I know that's really hard to understand, but WAIT UNTIL THE MOVIE IS OVER AND TALK ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS. This concept has been lost over the years. I think maybe they should start teaching theater etiquette in schools or something.

I was pleasantly surprised at the fact that everyone I could see actually turned off their cell phones during the previews which was a good thing since they had 20 MINUTES OF PREVIEWS TO SIT THROUGH. Really, this is just getting ridiculous. When I went to see "Unbreakable" in the theater, I actually really forgot what movie I was there to see.

I like previews, especially if they are good and make me really excited for a movie to come out, but I don't really need to see every preview for every movie that is coming out within the next 2 years. Really, I will find out about them one way or another. For right now, I would just like to see the movie I paid to see.

Just as a side note, there were a few parents there with their younger aged children at the movies. They were some of the best behaved people in the theater. Go figure.

There are movies that I think just need to be seen on the big screen. Other than that, I just don't need the aggravation of dealing with other people. Seriously, why do people suck so much? Especially the guy that thought bringing his 5 year old to "Return of the King". He needs to have bamboo shoved under his fingernails. If your kid can't sit still and shut up for a 3 plus hour very violent movie, then he is not old enough to be there.

On a final note:

The Boyfriend and I have finally decided to make the ultimate commitment!

Ha, just kidding. We got DSL! Finally! I am so getting major bonus points for this.
If you have SBC phone service, you can get DSL for $19.95 a month. Check it out.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Could You Please Repeat That?

I am running on 4 hours of sleep. Not by choice. And a morning visit to the dentist's office. So yes, I am really grumpy. I was so desperate for coffee that I drank it through a straw because the Novocaine hadn't worn off yet.

So much has happened this week in the world that I wanted to post about, but I have either been swamped at work, or too tired to post. The neighbors are at it again, and I am really just at the end of my rope. We can't afford to move, and the police take anywhere from 2-4 hours to respond and I am so suing someone if I get an ulcer from this. (As a side note, I can't be angry at the police. It's really not their fault that they are so understaffed. Every time I have called to complain about these people, which is at least once a week, the police have been so nice on the phone and I really can't get that mad when they call back to apologize because the officer they were supposed to send ended up arresting someone at a previous call and couldn't make it and did they need to send someone else out? I mean, come on, I really can't get mad at that. Even if I had just fallen back asleep 5 minutes prior to that call; they were actually apologizing for not getting out there faster. When is the last time that someone in the service industry actually apologized for something?)

The worst part about this morning, besides the tiredness and the drilling at the dentist office, is that when I got to work, some jerk who works in our parking structure was all mad at me for parking in the visitor's section. I have news for you buddy, almost everyone who works here that doesn't have an "extra-special" reserved spot parks in the visitor's parking section when necessary. And since I have heard nothing but awful things about your valets backing people's cars into walls and just being plain rude (plus you say you are completely not responsible for our cars) you will never get me to valet park my car. And since I am running on no sleep and Novocaine, I would really like to see you try and make me, because I will take your head off and feel absolutely okay about doing that.

On a much happier note, The Boyfriend and I are having a date tonight. We are going to see "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" and dinner. Then brunch tomorrow morning with friends, then a Kentucky Derby party, and then another "date" dinner on Sunday.

Isn't that just so sickingly sweet?

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Sally Sells Sea Shells Down by the Sea Shore

I meant to write this yesterday, but I had some sort of stomach virus. A virus that was only appeased by greasy food. Leave it to me to get something that insists I eat at McDonalds, when I have been trying to eat better and lose weight. Oh well.

Dear Rachel and Keith:

Thanks so much for inviting us to your wedding. It was beautiful, amazing, and breathtaking. I feel so honored that we were there to witness your marriage. I think that people who get married and plan the whole thing themselves are so courageous. Oh who am I kidding, I think people who get married are courageous. I think that's the biggest reason I am so impressed with Saturday. Seriously, what a great party! Your personalities were so well represented, and everyone I talked to had some awesome story about how they met you. The love in that room for you two was overwhelming. Everyone there was so joyous. You were so happy. Seriously, I am tearing up while thinking of it.

On a tangent, thanks for sitting us with Amy and Jamie. I have never been to a wedding where I have met new friends. They even told The Boyfriend that he looks like Ethan Hawke, which has sealed them in my heart forever, because they were kind of embarrassed to ask him if anyone had every told him that.

By the way, hurry up and come home from your honeymoon. The people in my office are really wondering where you went. I never though people would find that so weird, but I think it's so fitting. Wherever you are, I know you are having a blast and taking lots of pictures.

The thing that will stick with me the most is the attention to detail that you two paid, not just to your wedding ceremony, but to everyone who was there. I have decided that I will strive to take more pictures. I will strive to pay more attention to the people in my life. And The Boyfriend and I will never forget that Keith remembered to return The Boyfriend's movies to him, AT YOUR RECEPTION. Seriously, how thoughtful is that? I'm sure I said something that totally didn't make sense because I had had too much Chardonnay. Really, the servers at that place were so nice, I had a hard time saying no. And for a person that doesn't drink very often, 5 (or so) glasses of wine is a little much. The Boyfriend assure me that I wasn't embarrassingly drunk until we got in the car to go home. Luckily I wasn't driving, but I do remember filling out a memory card that I hope you find funny, but if you don't, feel free to throw it away.

This has gotten much more sappy than I planned, but I was so touched by your wedding. May the love and joy from that day follow you always.

*For a much funnier version of the event, you should check this out.