Thursday, November 10, 2005

I Really Have No Title for This

Since The Boyfriend has actually linked to me in his post today, I feel compelled to write something, so I guess it should be about our new diet.

So, I am starting the South Beach Diet today, and so far, it's going okay. I don't really enjoy an extremely low carb diet, as I have tried the no-carb thing before and really ended up gaining a lot of weight afterwards, I keep telling myself that this part only lasts 2 weeks.

I tried Weight Watchers, but I found it tiresome. It was too easy to cheat, although I did get quite a few good recipes off of their website.

I have also tried counting calories. Last year I lost almost 20 pounds in 2 months, but then we went away for Thanksgiving and allowed ourselves to eat whatever we wanted. We never got back to counting those calories.

I feel a brief history of my weight will help you make sense of myself and why this is such a big deal for me. Or not. But it fills up space on the page.

Up until the age of 25, I never really worried about my weight. I never watched what I ate, and I didn’t worry about exercise. I am now realizing that this was mostly because I naturally ate small portions several times a day. Also, I lead a busy life so exercise was never on my mind.

Then, I met The Boyfriend. And I fell in love. (Ok, it was really painful for me to write that because it just sounds so cheesy, but you know, they have proven people in love gain weight, so there). The Boyfriend wasn't so appreciative of my eating habits, because he would always end up eating my leftovers which of course led to him gaining weight. And since I hate leftovers, and was sick of the teasing about how I never eat anything, I began to finish my meals.

That comes across as blaming The Boyfriend, which I am not. I am the one who decided that finishing my food faster than he, while insisting I needed the same portion of food he did, was a great way to not get teased about my eating habits anymore. Good lord, I am brilliant!

So anyhoo, when I turned 25 it all just stopped working. I started gaining weight places I had never gained weight before. I now eat way too much in portion size and have no problems eating foods that I know are bad for me.

I actually get a lot of exercise, but my eating is just all screwed up. Also, I have like the biggest sweet tooth you have ever seen which doesn't lend itself to dieting much.

In the past few years I have stopped having jobs where I am on my feet all day. I can't believe how much this messes with your metabolism, but it does. Working in an office where I don't have far to go to get snacks makes saying "No" way too hard. Not that I am actually saying no to anyone, I just don't seem to be able to say no to myself. (That sounds really dirty)

So, now the really painful part.

I am 5'6". I weight 199 pounds as of this morning.

I am trying not to get all depressed as I write this because I am at the heaviest weight I have ever been in my life. But I have a goal, which is 60 pounds (I would like to lose more but we will see how that goes). I have a time frame, before my 30 birthday which is March 2007. I know I can do this.

My biggest reason, other than acting and such, is that I am watching everyone in my family have huge health issues that all boil down to one thing, they are all fat. I know that is mean, but it's true and they all have the same problems: High Blood Pressure, High Cholesterol, Blockage in their Arteries, Sleep Apnea, Snoring so loud it shakes the earth. None of them will discuss with me that fact that it's mostly because of their weight that these things are happening, especially when I get told, 'well it runs in the family' and I say 'the whole family is overweight, of COURSE it runs in the family'. I mean, I have already inherited Migraines that are so bad they induce vomiting AND being allergic to everything in the air, how much more fun stuff could the possibly give me?

I refuse to be someone who relies on medication for things that could be fixed with weight-loss. I refuse to sit around and just use "it runs in the family" as an excuse for bad health. I refuse to be depressed all the time because I feel fat and none of my clothes fit.

I refuse to make excuses for myself anymore.

I did this to myself. I am going to fix it.

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