NaBloPoMo

Welcome, my darlings, to National Blog Posting Month! Wherein I torture you with my thoughts every day for the month of November. It will be awesome.

So, yeah, here we are, November 1st. Um, yeah.


We didn't get any trick-or-treaters last night, although that didn't stop The Boyfriend and I from going out and buying candy. Oh Peanut Butter Cups, why do I love you so?

There hasn't been much going on around here lately. Some day soon I will post pictures of the pumpkin I carved for a Halloween contest at work, as soon as I figure out how to get pictures off of my camera at work, without alerting IT to the fact that I am downloading pictures off of my camera at work.

Moo

At the urging of my acupuncturist (ooo lala, I am so Hollywood) I am giving up dairy products for a month. See, it seems dairy causes the body to creat a lot of phlegm and since I an constantly having allergy problems, it would be best to stop putting more things in my body that create phlegm.

The best (where best = ironic) part is that I am in no way allergic to dairy. As far as I know, I am in no way allergic to anything food wise, which is good becuase I am basically allergic to everything else in the universe. Fun!

So, I have been "off dairy" for 3 days now. I believe I can see a difference already, but I hesitate to get excited about that as it could just be a placebo effect. I just hate the idea of becoming someone "who can't eat anything because it affects the delicate balance that their body is in".

I know, it's stupid. If limiting dairy means I can lead a life with less headaches and congestion, than what's the big deal? It doesn't mean I am somehow less of a person. I just relish the idea of being someone who can eat anything - like that makes a person more human somehow - and yet I Have Never Been That Person A Single Day In My Life.

Ugh, how do I get these ideas planted in my brain?

An Open Letter to Bionic Woman

Hi there -

I just wanted to let you know that I'm getting very close to breaking up with you. I have been there from the beginning, but you just aren't doing anything for me. I wanted to like you, I really did. I didn't mind that you cast a British woman as the lead, I loved that she isn't your stereotypical "pretty girl" (don't get me wrong, I think she's very striking), I completely love the fact that you cast Katee Sackhoff in your show (she's pretty much the only reason I keep watching) but - really, I can't keep letting you let me down like this. Week after week I watch, expecting to be entertained. And week after week I have to fight the urge to go brush my teeth or do the dishes because your show makes me lose interest half way through.

I don't understand what went wrong. The Boyfriend thinks it's the fact that you have absolutely no overarching storyline. I think it's the fact that you have yet to make me give a shit about any of your characters (except Katee - again, the only interesting character. Except maybe the blonde psychologist lady. She's interesting because she obviously loves messing with people's heads!).

I don't know what else to say. You have a great cast, I thought the show did a decent job of updating the story and technology. But yet, you leave me wanting.

I may stick around for a little while longer Bionic Woman, but I've got to tell you, as soon as Lost is back again - I don't know if I will give you a second thought.

I Like

I want this song playing on an eternal loop. Just always playing out of thin air, wherever I am.

Monday

Why is it Monday already?



This weekend went by so quickly, I feel like someone swish-panned through my weekend and here we are, back at my desk without any time actually going by.



Things I Did This Weekend (a list):



1. Went to a screening of "The Darjeeling Limited". Enjoyed way more than I anticipated. Harboring a crush on pretty much all 3 leads of that movie (and also a bit on Angelica Houston. C'mon, she's gorgeous!).



2. Went to dinner afterwards with Kathy, David, Jimmy, Lauren and The Boyfriend. Had an awesome time, although our service at dinner was laughably bad. Between the server asking David if he wanted something to drink literally seconds after he took David's drink order and then at the end of the meal asking if I needed a refill on my iced tea (which I explained was actually Diet Coke) the server brought me iced tea anyway, it was a thoroughly enjoyable meal despite the service.



3. During dinner - we discussed what everyone was up to for the rest of the weekend. Lauren explained that she was driving to the beach in the morning to be the subject of a friends photoshoot. We all agreed that morning photo's are not a fun thing.



4. After dinner, just as we were about to pull away - Jimmy called and let us know that the photoshoot Lauren had been complaining about was actually a ruse - he was going to propose!!!

She ended up saying Yes - Congrats you two!!!



5. Spent Saturday morning going for a run and then going to acupuncture. Leave my appointment feeling amazingly calm and relaxed and happy that my left ear is now ringing a lot quieter than it used to. Oh yes, my left ear - still ringing. But, it is getting noticeably better.



6. Went to the La Habra Theatre Depot to enjoy a showing of CABARET in support of Karl (he was great! So was the show!). Went to Applebees afterwards and made myself sick eating too much. Oh "Pick 3 Appetizer", why were you so delicious yet so terribly bad for me?

7. Spent Sunday puttering around the apartment while The Boyfriend and Adam worked on another project for Life From the Inside. Realized just how much I can get done when I really have nothing to do and no boyfriend to hang out and watch T.V. with.

Gah!

Today is the kind of day where I seriously question why I do not have a bottle of alcohol stashed in my desk at work.

Happy Friday, y'all.

Catching Up

Tahoe was amazing. Julie and Vince's wedding was perfect - seriously one of the best weddings I have ever had the privilege of attending.

Episode 5 of Life From the Inside is now online. If you look to your right, you will see a new snazzy button that The Boyfriend created for our blogs. Someday soon we will have buttons for our fans to also have on their personal sites. It's on our list of "Things to Do" - along with "hire a publicist" and "get more people watching". But please go, enjoy! I truly believe this is one of our best episodes. And as a bonus, the website is new and improved thanks to the workings of Lauren! She has been amazing to work with while we sludge through making our website nice and pretty.

While I enjoy the episode, I personally find myself hard to watch in it. I would have to guess that I was at my heaviest point while we were filming this. I'm not quite sure, but it's a real slap in the face at how far I let myself go. I'm fairly sure this was right before I figured out how much I really weighed and my doctor's visit of doom that started me on this weight loss journey. Plus, I hate my hair in it. I'm full of complaints today.

But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Kathy pointed out to me that there is a striking difference between how I look in Episode 5 and how I look now (and it's not just that my hair is a different color!), so I have been making progress. The scale hasn't moved much lately, but my pants are all getting rather large. Soon I will need to work up the nerve to pull out those smaller sized pants and see how well they fit.

Soon. Maybe after a cosmo or two. Or a long run.

Drivin'

The Boyfriend and I are packing up and driving to Tahoe tomorrow. I can't wait as this is the only vacation we will be taking this year, with the added bonus of seeing our friends Julie and Vince tie the knot.

Okay, so the wedding is the main reason we are going, but we added a day on each end so that we could enjoy the scenery as neither of us have been to Tahoe before.

We will roll back into town on Tuesday - until then, I am offline.

Oh Yeah

12 pounds gone baby!

Never to return.

Tip of the Day

Do not store hot dog buns (still in plastic bag) on top of banana's. Because apparently banana flavor can permeate anything.

And when you go to eat yummy hot dogs in buns, it will taste like someone wrapped said hot-dogs in banana bread and served it to you.

And it will be gross.

Thank Goodness for Cold Fronts

11 pounds - that's the official weight loss so far. Actually, I hit that last week, but thanks to a weekend of mind-melting heat and therefore lots of time spent finding places with heavenly air-conditioning (like restaurants), I spend most of this week getting back to the 11 pound weight loss mark.

The upside is that I am not the least bit bothered that I haven't lost more this week. The whole weighing myself every day did indeed help me spot that I was a little lax last weekend in my eating habits and helped me take more notice if what I was eating this week. So, it worked.

Plus, I haven't been all down on myself for not losing more weight this week - I can't tell you what a change that is for me.

I don't feel like giving up.

I like this feeling.

I'm going to need it next week when we go on a road trip to Lake Tahoe for a friends wedding.

My Brain Melted

We're having a heat wave, a tropical heat wave... You know it's hot when The Boyfriend spend all weekend running errands as an excuse to go somewhere with air conditioning!

So, as part of this whole "lifestyle change" I am on in terms of losing weight and such, I find myself doing a lot of self analysis, which is very weird for me as I have never been someone to really self analyze (I'm pretty sure that my close friends are seriously nodding their heads in agreement at this).

While I find this whole thing kind of fun and interesting - one could say I am learning a lot about myself - I find other parts of it kind of bizarre.

I have more to say on this, but I don't know if I am ready to share just yet. It's very odd to realize at 30 that you just may not know much about yourself. Or, because you were so very unhappy with your weight and how you look that when you finally deal with the whole situation you might also be dealing with the fact that you kind of cut yourself off from yourself as a way of dealing with your unhappiness.

Well, I guess I did feel like sharing.

I'm realizing just how screwed up my body image has always been. I mean, I knew it was always "kind of" screwed up, but I mean - I really had no idea what I looked like. At all. I look back on photos now and I get really sad for the person in them. She had no idea how perfect she was. I wish I could go back and tell her to ignore that stupid voice in her head - the one that told her she looked all wrong, her figure was too curvy, her clothes/hair were all wrong.

Man, that voice was really really dumb.

One More and I Get a Prize

I have lost 9 pounds and I ran 7 miles over the weekend. Not all at once, I ran 3 and a half miles per day, which was great on Saturday and very very hard on Sunday. But I did it.



While running on Saturday this woman that I see most mornings passed me and waved to get my attention. I waved back and said good morning. She said "You are doing so good at this running thing. I see you almost every day and I can really tell you've lost weight - especially around here (points to her waist)."



I say thank you several times and she puts her headset back on and continues ahead. It was the nicest thing I have ever had said to me while running.



I love it when I get these little surprises that remind me that not all people are assholes. Just the ones who refuse to walk their dogs on a leash and then get all angry when I don't want their dog jumping on me. Those people are assholes of the highest order.



So yeah, things are still swimming along. The Boyfriend and I have decided to start weighing ourselves every day as we both have read that people who weigh themselves daily are much more likely to keep their weight in check.



I used to worry that weighing myself every day would make me obsessed. But it hasn't so far (yes I know there are people that think weighing yourself every day IS being obsessed with it, but that's now how I am choosing to look at it). I actually look forward to it and I don't get frusterated when the scale doesn't move, which is a big thing for me. I have a tendency to get frusterated and quit when I am not good at something right away, which is part of the reason that losing weight has been a struggle for me in the past. I feel like I have passed somewhat of a hurdle.

Dreams

Two nights ago I had this dream:

I am walking through a huge mall. I decide I need to go to Victoria's Secret, which is on a lower level and discover that the only way to get there is this old wooden roller-coaster. So, I get on, but I have to ride it backwards. Without pause I get into my car, which looks like an old mine car and the ride begins. I realize I'm carrying this washcloth that I constantly need to ring out and I can't throw it away no matter how much I want to. Between this and my purse (which I am so worried about losing - I can't stop checking it to make sure it's safe) the ride is a little stressful although I find myself getting caught up in "song" that's being played on the ride and try to enjoy myself.

I realize that Robin Roberts and Dianne Sawyer are at the top of the ride, doing a story for Good Morning America. They are standing around talking and they periodically throw stuff into the ride, hoping to scare people. I am so frustrated at this point because I would like nothing more than to throw away the washcloth I am still constantly wringing out, but I can't. Plus, I don't think it's very nice of Diane and Robin to throw things at people.

At this point I begin wondering when the ride will be over. I keep trying to look over my shoulder but I can't see anything. A doll from the ride gets in my car and keeps singing the creepy song for the ride and I marvel at how real it looks.

Then again, I worry that I have been on the ride too long and try in vain to find a way off.

Cue alarm and The Boyfriend telling me it's time to get up and go running.

That night, while on the way to Costco, I tell The Boyfriend that I had a weird dream and I wonder aloud what it meant. Not that I think all dreams have meaning, but I'm always a little curious as to how my brain decides to process things while I sleep.

We have a short conversation about whether we believe dreams mean anything before I actually describe the dream to him.

So The Boyfriend, who had just said he doesn't think most dreams need analyzing, proceeds to analyze my dream and create total sense out of chaos. Nice, huh?

I'm a little embarassed I didn't figure it out myself - although I'm apparently too busy being not in control of my life and angry about meaningless repetitive work.

Updates

I finally had time/energy to run a full 5k this weekend. I ran it in 41 1/2 minutes, which is pretty darn good in my book. Plus I got to listen to most of my running playlist which was a nice surprise.



Also, I have lost 7 pounds.



As The Boyfriend pointed out, if I keep this up, I will be halfway to my goal in 3-4 months.



3 more pounds and I get my first little present for myself (did I mention that I am randomly getting myself presents as I lose weight?).



I should also mention that The Boyfriend has lost 11 pounds himself, so, he gets a new coffeemaker! Just kidding, our coffeemaker of 3 1/2 years has decided to go to the big Kitchen in the Sky, so we are in need of a new one. And fast. I wish I was kidding, but I've forgotten how annoying it is to not have the choice of coffee with breakfast.

Thankful

There are days when it is made clear to me that I need to be more thankful.

I have a job that I enjoy (most days).

I have someone who loves me unconditionally. I love someone unconditionally (most days).

I have friends who love and appreciate me. And understand me. And make me laugh.

So yeah, I know this is out of the blue and somewhat weird and my answer for why I am saying these things is just long and complicated.

So, yeah. I have a good life. I can't complain. I mean, I could complain, but why.

Apparently I am a Real Runner Now

Yesterday was a good/bad running day.

The bad part -
I tripped over a root and fell down, completely scrapping my left knee. Yes, I fell again. No, I don't really enjoy it, especially when I have to finish my run with a very bloody knee.

The good part -
Before this happened, I was really finding my pace and working on extending my legs so that I have a longer reach with each step.
Also, when I fell I stopped by watch somehow, therefor I had no idea where I was timewise in my run. Apparently being very angry while running is good for pacing because I ran pretty much the fastest 2.5 miles I have ever done.

So, as The Boyfriend pointed out, I am running too fast for that section of my usual run, since it is littered with roots and goes downhill, so it's a bit tricky. I have never had a problem there, so I'm taking it as a good sign that I really am getting faster.

And, I didn't break my iPod!

Suddenly I See

You would think by the title of this post that I was going to write some sort of update on my Lasik surgery (still the best money I have ever spent in my life!), but I'm not.

I went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago for my yearly physical. Nothing too exciting or even shocking. Ugh, I am trying to drag this out - but I will get to the point. I am under dr.'s orders to lose 80 pounds. That's right, 80, as in, almost 100. But that's okay. I have dealt with this information and I am ready to fight. People in my family are not very healthy and I plan on NOT being one of them. I have already seriously cut back on the amount of food I eat. I am trying harder at running and really notice a difference in my enery levels on the days I do not run. The Boyfriend and I do Pilates at night while watching TV. So yeah, I've made some big changes, but I still have a long way to go. There is no fooling around with this anymore.

The main reason my dr. wants me to lose weight is that my cholesterol is still elevated. My blood pressure is fine (thanks to running I believe) but high blood pressure is something that also runs in my family and the best way to make sure it stays fine is to lose weight. So yeah, I'm fighting for my life here. It's really sad that I have to say that at such a young age, but man, I'm sick of worrying that I am going to have to take more medications than daily allergy stuff. And the worst part of all of this is that I did this to myself.

Also, in doing research on my constant ear ringing (Yes, it's still ringing) I found that there is a chance that my weight/cholesterol is part of the reason that this is happening. So, my body has been trying to tell me for awhile that something is wrong and I have chosen not to listen for way too long.

I know I have written about my weight before, but this is very different. I am not placing any blame except for squarely on myself. I am not looking for an easy way out. I plan on making these changes for life. I know it's not going to be easy. It hasn't been already - but that's okay. It hasn't been excruciating either. I have an end goal. I am giving myself a year to get there (hopefully sooner).

When I reach my goal weight, The Boyfriend and I are going on another road trip. I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to this, so it's a nice motivation to work harder.

So yeah, that's what has been going on with me. Lots of changes, hopefully all for the better. I can already see a difference in how my clothes fit - which is another motivator. That, and the extremely awesome friends I have. I can't tell you how supportive people have been (the people who already know that is) - especially my fellow actors in the sitcom, and especially my fellow producer who goes out of her way to help me, even if I am backsliding and tell her it's okay to leave the cinnamon rolls at my house!

Scenes from a Courthouse

Some fun things from Jury Duty yesterday -


1. It only took me 45 minutes door to door! And I had to go to downtown L.A. Plus, it only took me 20 minutes to get home.


2. The sweet older gentleman that "just wanted to let the court know I have been a professional drummer for 60 years and apparently I now have bad hearing." You should read that in a nice yelling type voice. It was really cute.


3. I sat in front of Judge Ito all day yesterday. Alas - I was never picked to be questioned as a jury member. But I did leave really enjoying Judge Ito, he was very fun, very professional and it seemed that everyone there enjoyed working with him. Judge Ito is also a fan of giving speeches, but they were very good speeches (and informative!) so I enjoyed that as well.


4. I saw Phil Spector in the hallway. Apparently his trial was going on next door. Dude is a freak. And short. And apparently requires the use of two of the biggest bodyguards I have ever seen. Who were dressed in matching suits. Which made me giggle.


5. At the end of the day - Judge Ito gave this very eloquant speech thanking us for our time and letting us know this fact -

If everyone in L.A. just did their civic duty, people would only be called for jury duty every SEVEN years. As it is, we are now called every 12 months because they have to mail out 1.5 million summons in order to barely get the 120,000 people the Los Angeles court system needs in order to allow us the right to have a trial by our peers.

I was floored.

Now, I have my issues with the justice system as a whole, but I had a really great experience for my first time serving jury duty. I really wanted to sit on this jury and I am still a bit sad that I wasn't picked for it.

It's Official

The results from my MRI are in - and I do not have any tumors in my head. So, they still don't know what's causing the ringing in my left ear, but at least I don't have a tumor!