UK

I've always had a love for England I couldn't explain - now that I live in California it seems to have grown exponentially. I tie this to my weird obsession with moving. I love it, I want to do it more, it makes me feel less stuck in my life. Plus I sometimes miss living someplace that actually gets cold on the winter.

I'm not kidding when I say my obsession with the UK has grown in the past few years. I found out recently that they will let you work there if you're also attending school there and the work is within the field you are studying. I can't tell you how often I now daydream of The Boyfriend and I selling all of our stuff and going to grad school so we can be actors overseas.

I think I'm addicted to change. That may be why I like traveling and moving so much. I don't get to do nearly enough of those in my life right now. While the moving part is totally out of the question at the moment, I think I may need to set my sights on figuring out how to make the traveling part do-able.

100 Pushup Challenge Week 1

So, The Boyfriend and I have completed our first week of workouts for the Hundred Pushup Challenge.

Remember, in my original test I did 12 regular pushups in a row.

So far, my totals for last week are:

Day 1 (30 seconds rest between sets)
7, 7, 5, 4, 5 = 28

Day 2 (60 seconds rest between sets)
9, 8, 6, 5, 10 = 38

Day 3 (120 seconds rest between sets)
10, 8, 8, 5, 15 = 46

My arms were pretty sore last night - the numbers jump up quicker than I had thought. Plus I went all gung ho and my last set, I only had to do "at least 10" but I decided to push myself and do 15.

The nice thing is that I can stay on any week that I want if I find that I just can't manage the next week's workouts. It's going to be very interesting to see how Week 2 progresses. I'm already seeing definition in my arms and shoulders. Plus I am definitely getting an extra workout for my stomach and back. Pretty awesome stuff.

Re-Upping

I'm going to be back to constantly posting about my weight loss/workouts as I've just recently sat myself down and had a long talk with myself about how I've really let everything slide for the past couple of months.



See, after I had the cyst removed from my back I quickly realized I needed more calories per day for recovery or I felt really sick and lightheaded. Of course, that never really went away as we began filming new stuff for the show plus my whole tooth trauma and I ended up on a serious plateaue with my weight loss.



Well, actually, I gained 3 pounds, but whatever.



But no more!



As of this morning, 1 of those lovely pounds is gone. And I'm gunning for the other 2 as I type this.



One of the things that really got me back into the swing of weight loss is my discover of this - 100 Pushups workout online. I'd seen it around but never really explored it when I decided I needed something new to get me going again.



And man this is definitely it!

What clinched it for me was reading about it on one of my favorite blogs All & Sundry. If I ever look as great as Linda does, I will totally post pictures of myself in a bikini.


The Boyfriend was really excited to try this out as well, so we've added it to our nightly workout regime.

Oh yeah, I said nightly. I've been pushing myself back into the "more than once a day" workouts again as well as re-committing myself to Nutrisystem.

See, I have about 50 more pounds to lose before I hit my goal weight. And I would like to not be on Nutrisystem longer than a year - so I have roughly 4 more months to hit my goal weight.

Ha! I'm fairly certain I won't make it, but I'm sure going to try.

Back to the pushups stuff. I LOVE this workout. It's 3 days a week and at the end you are supposed to be able to do 100 pushups in a row. I'd completely forgotten just how much of your body pushups work. We've only done 2 workouts and I can already tell a difference in how my arms feel, which is good because the weight loss has allowed some flappy skin to appear in my upper arm area and I am not happy about it at all.

Eureka!

I just had one of those moments, you know, the kind where something is so obvious you feel really dumb for not realizing it earlier...

Yeah, I realized that instead of complaining about part of my role as producer for my show, I should maybe just embrace that I'm the one who gets this done and just do it. It will be done, it will be done to my happiness and we can move forward on other stuff that needs to be worked on.

Ugh, I'm not sure this is coming out right, but I don't feel like editing myself today.

In toothy news, I finally feel better today after the whole root canal/infection fiasco. I'm almost done with the antibiotics, the swelling around the tooth/jaw area is going down and I'm not in pain any longer. So, yeah, things are looking up in that aspect. Now I just need to make an appointment with my dentist to get the crown prep done.

This past Sunday I had some time to kill while The Boyfriend was designing something on the computer, so I decided to finally try doing a conditioning treatment on my hair with Olive Oil. I've done a lot of research about this lately and I really wanted to try it, but I needed to find a couple of free hours to set aside and I finally had them.

So, I took 1/2 cup of Extra Virgin Olive Oil that we had sitting around and dumped it all over my hair while I was leaning over the bathtub, rubbed it in really well and piled my hair on top of my head. I had been warned that the olive oil would really run, so I put on a plastic shower cap and wrapped a towel tightly around my head.

Then, I just let it sit, for about an hour and a half. I vacuumed, mopped the floors, read a bit of a book, marveled at the fact that my hair smelled like it was baking and finally jumped in the shower. Man! I can't recommend this enough! I washed my hair twice to make sure I got all of the oil out, conditioned and let me hair air dry. It was magical. My hair was super shiny and extremely soft, without being limp or looking greasy.

Now I'm going to have to start purchasing olive oil at Costco to make sure I can do this at least once a month!

Apparently My Teeth Are Old

Yesterday I had the pleasure of getting an emergency root canal. What made it an emergency you ask? Well the fact that I had to have that day.

Yes, it was just as much fun as you could ever think it was.

6 months ago I had a filling done on this tooth and it took forever to heal. I chalked it up to the fact that I'm getting older and thought nothing of it. My dentist had discussed with me the fact that they had discovered the cavity just before it reached the nerve, but there was a chance I would need a root canal in the future. And the future was yesterday. Blows your mind, doesn't it.

So, about a week ago my jaw starting hurting every once in awhile, but I didn't think anything of it since my allergies have been quite bad lately and when that happens, I get pains in my teeth/jaw/whatever.

But, 3 (I guess now 4 days ago) the pain really stepped it up a notch. I thought I had a gum infection or something so I was taking aspirin every 4 hours on the dot as well as rinsing with Listerine when finally, on Wednesday night, everything stopped working.

Poor Lekowicz was over for a meeting and got to witness first hand just how much pain I was in, I just couldn't think about anything else.

So, yesterday morning I got up and called my dentist first thing. He is out of town at a seminar. So, I called the dentist he referred everyone to on his voicemail. Luckily, the very nice lady that answered the phone worked me in first thing yesterday morning - and they were literally next door to my dentist, so I knew where I was going.

The new dentist did some tests and x-rays and concluded that I needed a root canal. Since I was in so much pain and had been for days, he called the Endodontists that he refers everyone to, and got me an appointment that day.

So, I headed off to work for a couple of hours to try and get my mind off of the pain. At 12:15, I headed to Santa Monica, with the understanding that this was an evaluation visit and I might not be getting a root canal. Luckily for me, the Endodontist was a real pro, he did several tests, the last of which was holding some sort of cold metal pen thing to my teeth to show me that my tooth was in fact dead. It was really freaky realizing that I couldn't feel anything with that tooth.

So, we began the root canal after he explained how much it would cost. Luckily I was already in a ton of pain, so I didn't have time or energy to care. Which is good because I'm also going to need a crown when this is all healed and I have no idea how much that will cost.

I feel the need to point out now that my Endodontist smelled like Aveda products. Being a huge fan and someone that uses Aveda, it was oddly comforting. Plus, it was nice that someone who was going to be so close to me smelled nice and not in a "I bathed in cologne today" way.

Long story short, I had a root canal, was informed that I also have an infection in my jaw, written a prescription for antibiotics and sent home to rest at around 2:30.

Since I had not eaten since a very rushed breakfast around 7:30 am, I was starving. I ate a quick lunch, wherein I bit the crap out of my lip and now I have a really gross bruise on the inside of it. Apparently eating while your mouth is numbed all to heck is not a good idea unless you are paying close attention.

And here is where it gets really bad.

As the numbness wore off, the pain came back in a very bad way. I was literally crying uncontrollably, rocking back and forth to try and alleviate the pain somehow. The Boyfriend was trying everything he could think of to get me to calm down and try to breathe through the pain, but I was having none of it. Crying, of course, was not helping anything since that was making my head hurt worse, but I just could not stop. I've never felt this way before, or at least, in such a long time that I don't remember what it feels like to not be able to control what your body is doing.

This lasted for a couple of hours. I finally calmed down when the aspirin kicked in and started alleviating some of the pain.

Later that night I was treated to a wonderful surprise when Kendra stopped by with a huge stuffed Monkey for me, plus a bag full of treats like an ice-cream bar and Advil. It was so thoughtful I almost starting crying again! Apparently I'm a bit emotional over this.

So, anyway, I'm at work for part of the day today, mostly to get out of the apartment for a bit, before I get too tired and hurty. My jaw is quite sore, but my tooth already feels better.

I've had this conversation many times before, but it's quite sad how it takes something like this happening before you really appreciate your health. Or your teeth.

Happy Birthday!

The Boyfriend - 

I couldn't ask for a better best friend, partner if life, person who makes me laugh, love.

I can't wait to see what the future holds for us. There is no one else I would rather wander through it with.

Happy Birthday!!

Love you - 

Chez

Hot

I took a little break there, internet. I don't think anyone really needed to hear any more of my rants about why people suck. So, yeah, I've dealt with my anger over my nephews situation and now I leave everything in the hands of the police. I still have moments where I get so mad I feel my temperature rise - but my nephew is alive and safe, so I'm letting go of some of my anger abot this.

Oh yeah, my nephew also had to have his appendix removed last week - they think this was also brought on by the car accident. So, he had 2 surgeries in less than a week. Awesome.

But, on the bright side, I talked to my sister and they were able to laugh about how horrible this situation is, which is always very comforting to me. Because if it's so bad that you can't laugh, in my eyes, that's really really bad.

Anyhoo - I'm on to dealing with other sad things - like the fact that The Boyfriend is turning 1 year older on Monday. Well, that's actually more sad to him than to me, I think he's definitely getting more awesome with age!

In other weirder news, I seem to be going through a phase of ingrown hairs in a rather inconvenient place. So, I did a little internet research and remembered that a friend had recommended the product Tend Skin before. Man, that stuff is expensive!

So, I found several recipes online that allow you to make it at home. Not only is this so much cheaper - but I get to have fun in the kitchen making concoctions!

I love doing stuff like this - I went through a phase where I made my own Windex. I know, it's kind of pointless, but I liked it!

So, for those that are interested, here's the recipe to make TendSkin at home:
Solution 1:
18 tablets uncoated aspirin, crushed
5 oz. rubbing alcohol
Combine.
Solution 2:
8 tablets uncoated aspirin, crushed
2.5 oz. witch hazel
Combine.
Combine the two solutions.
The aspirin will settle a bit, so shake it before use.
Apply to the bikini area to prevent ingrowns.

It can also be used to spot treat blemishes. (aspirin is acetic and salicylic acids.)

This stuff really works and someone said it averages out to $1.50 each time you make it! I love me some cheap homemade stuff that works.

Crash Update

I've found out some more details on my nephews car accident. I'm still trying to process this whole thing. If things had been even the slightest bit different, I would be writing this in an entirely different state of mind - let's just say I don't want to dwell on that too much. I'm still trying to deal with how uncontrollably mad I get at times even thinking about it.



It turns out he was hit by not one, but two different cars. Assholes that were drunk and racing each other. Not only did they hit my nephew's car, they both left the scene.



So, yeah, there are two people out there that had better hope I never discover who they are or where they live. How could you hit someone and leave them to die? They BOTH hit the car and both drove away, more worried for their fucking drunk asses than for the people that were in my nephews car (there was at least 1 passenger).



The thing that breaks my heart the most about this whole situation is that the last thing my nephew remembers of the whole car wreck is seeing his own blood spraying all over the car from his nose breaking after hitting the steering wheel. That's what these fuckers did. They left my nephew to bleed to death.



Not only were these drivers drunk, they were racing each other, driving recklessly and not caring for a second about anyone else's life around them. No care for the person who was being the designated driver for his friends, making sure they got home safely.

That's who they hit, the kid being responsible.


Life really pisses me off sometimes.

I Can't Believe This Shit

Have you read this? Apparently Brook Hogan "isn't into voting" and can't understand how we would ever have a woman president because poor Brooky has a hard time controlling her mood swings. Here's the quote in it's entirety:

"You know what? I am actually not that much into voting. I think it's kind of crazy that [Hilary Clinton was] running because I think that women deal with a lot of emotions and menopause and PMS and stuff. Like, I'm so moody all the time, I know I wouldn't be able to run a country because I would be crying one day and yelling at people the next day, you know?"

For fucks sake. I'm sorry for my language here, but seriously? This waste of space is in the public eye and this is how she treats voting and the idea of a woman being president? Can we take away her right to call herself female? Could she be more sexist?

I'm sorry, I don't know why this has bothered me so greatly, but this is just absolute shit. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, today there are rumors that she's going to pose for Playboy. People, this is what happens when you raise your children to not value an education and instead teach them that how they look is the most important thing in their lives.

Brooke is in the public eye and because of that she bears a certain amount of responsibility, as people actually look up to her and her family and will listen when she says things like "I'm not really into voting".

How fucking grown up and educated of you Brooke. Next please tell me how your not all that into wearing seat belts.

Crash

My nephew Josh was in a very terrible car wreck this weekend, so my time now is being spent worrying about him and beating myself up for not talking to him longer on the phone the last time I spoke with him.

He's in surgery now to fix his broken nose, otherwise, I think he'll be ok, as ok as you can be when you have a concussion and a broken nose (that's all the news I have as far as injuries) and you just totalled your car.

So yeah, I ask that you think of him, send him good thoughts, prayers, whatever works for you. Someone was watching out for him, he's very lucky that these are his only injuries.

Wherein I Got Stabbed In The Back

I'm not even kidding! I was literally stabbed in the back.

So, as it goes, I've always had this large pore on my back. My father has one too. At some point during my life, it decided to become a cyst. I have no actual recollection as to when this happened, but needless to say, its been there for awhile.

I kept meaning to ask my dermatologist about it, so a few weeks ago when I went in to have all of my moles checked (you've done this haven't you?! My Mom had some skin cancer removed from her face and ever since then I have become even more fanatical about sunscreen EVERY DAY.)

Anyhoo, I finally remembered this time to ask about the cyst on my back. And the dermatologist agreed, it needed to be removed. And then he measured it and commented that it was a large cyst - measuring 1 inch by 3/4 of an inch.

So, my moles all checking in as normal, I was sent home and told the surgical center would call me to schedule an appointment.

They did, I scheduled one and that was that.

I told my boss right away that I would be out for the day and what was happening. She was very nervous for me and kept commenting at how calm I was. I kept reminding her that it was no big deal and there was nothing to worry about. (Remember this, it's important later. Okay, it's not that important, but still. I had a few weeks before my appointment. Since I wasn't being put under for the surgery, I figured that meant it was no big deal.)

Wednesday, June 25th came before I knew it. The Boyfriend drove me to the surgical center and waited for me. Of course all of my calmness from the weeks before disappeared the day of the surgery. Especially when they slapped a bracelet on my wrist with my name on it. The Boyfriend made a joke that I was going to my first rave - the lady checking me in smiled, but wasn't nearly enjoying the joke as much as I was.

Here's the thing, I laugh when I'm nervous. And I was really nervous. So, The Boyfriend, being an amazingly awesome boyfriend, made jokes to help calm me down. We had a very funny back and forth conversation about a man that we decided was there to get his WHAT IS IT CALLED reversed.

Of course, the place was running a bit late. Donna (my nurse) came out and told me that they were running a bit late as the room had been over-booked and apologized. She came back out a few minutes later and brought me back to take my vitals and have me sign the consent form. Then I was sent back to the waiting room until my room was ready. During this time, Donna apologized at least 3 more times for running late, which was really nice if not unexpected from a surgical office.

About 15 minutes later my room was ready. Donna told me to disrobe and put on the lovely gown waiting for me. The Doctor came in and introduced himself (I know, weird right? I met this guy literally minutes before he cut me open.) Donna explained where I needed to lie down and such. She also commented several times that I was such a nice person and I seemed really happy. All I could think is "you're about to cut me open. Why would I be a bitch to you right now? What kind of horrible people do you deal with daily?"

The Doctor measured my cyst again - "Why this is a large cyst. It's an inch by 3/4 on an inch! Yes, this is a large one!" I really wanted to laugh to myself, I mean, I understand, he probably removes moles all day long, so I'm sure it's exciting to him to do something different, like my LARGE cyst, but still, stop telling me how large my cyst is!

So, I'm on the table, I receive lots of shots of morphine in my back and off we go. I can't even begin to tell you how absolutely creepy it is to not be able to feel what's going on in your back. Obviously I'm very appreciative that I didn't feel it, but still. I could feel him tugging, I could feel him dabbing at my back, but I couldn't feel anything else.

Now we get to the gross part. Since I've been operating under the idea that the cyst on my back was a zit, I used to get The Boyfriend to try and pop it for me. And the stuff that came out was quite awful smelling. So, you can imagine what it smelled like for the poor Doctor once he cut me open and had his face in my cyst. It was not pleasant. At one point he said "I don't know if you can smell this, but the cyst has some seepum that has a definite smell to it." I laughed.

After a few minutes it becomes apparent that the Doctor is not happy with how things are going. He explains that the cyst is larger than he expected and it really does not want to come out. Which explains the tugging. As he works harder to get the cyst out, he asks me if I want to see it once it's out, or should he just make it disappear. I of course, would LOVE to see it! I mean, come on, how often does one get the opportunity to see their cyst once removed.

This obviously surprised the Doctor a little bit, but he happily showed me the cyst once it was removed. It looked like an eyeball - white, with some red in it and very, very round.

Since the cyst was not co-operative in it's removal, the Doctor then spent some time excavating and making sure that everything was out. Then he began stitching me up. They used dissolvable stitches and then held everything together with "steri-strips", which is basically medical tape. During this part of the procedure, I kept worrying that I was suddenly going to start feeling everything. I'm always trying to be a good patient, since I know these people don't get a lot of thanks from the patients they see every day, but I was worried that I was trying to be too good of a patient, which would end with me being in a lot of pain because I didn't ask for more shots.

Finally, everything was done. The Doctor told me he was sorry he couldn't get the cyst out with a smaller incision. I told him not to worry about it, all I cared was that it was done and over with. He then bandaged me up like there was no tomorrow. I mean, I had tape on my back running from shoulder to shoulder. I was sent home with the instructions to take Tylenol for any "uncomfortableness" and not to get my back wet until Friday (2 days away!). The Doctor found it perplexing that my bandage was easily move-able, since it was between my shoulder blades, so he spent extra time making sure it wouldn't move, which meant I could barely move my arms due to the large amounts of tape on my back. But, I'm not complaining, he actually cared enough to make sure everything was right before I left the office.

So, I left with instructions in hand. "No running for at least 12 days, No getting wet until Friday, re-bandage as needed". The Boyfriend was very happy to see me, to say the least. He was shocked at how much bandaging I had on my back (as most people would be over the next few days).

Off we went home. I called my office to let my boss know that I was okay and on my way home. Once home, I emailed some friends to let them know I was home and okay - and then we ordered pizza (Papa Johns new whole wheat crust - it's AWESOME!) and I tried to figure out a comfortable way to lie down so I could take a long nap.

I'm going to stop here. I'll write more about my recovery tomorrow and hopefully find time to get my pictures in order!

I Have No Idea What's Going On Around Here

So, someone pointed out that I haven't updated about my weight loss lately. Which is nice, because I haven't and I worry that people are sick of hearing about it.

But, the truth is, I haven't lost much weight lately. In fact, according to my scale this morning, I've gained back about 3 pounds. But, 3 pounds is one weekend of me not being careful about what I eat and I quickly lose it after a couple of days of running and eating right.

Unfortunately for me right now, that's not an option. The running part anyway. See last Wednesday, I had very, very, very minor surgery(details coming soon! With pictures!). And apparently I am not a teenager any more, so it's taking a bit longer to recover than I anticipated. On top of that, I haven't been too careful about my eating habits lately as I need to eat more than the 1000 calories I roughly consume while on Nutrisystem, due to the fact that apparently your body needs fuel to heal and mine was not happy when I didn't give it enough fuel.

On the flip side, I seem to still be losing inches, or something as it was pointed out this weekend and by my boss today that I look thinner than ever. So, I just have no freaking idea what's going on, but I'm not going to dwell on it.

I took my measurements last week and I've lost another 2 inches (on average) all over. So, I must be gaining muscle. I'm definitely gaining looser skin. Which is weird. But again, it means I'm losing weight, so I'm not complaining.

While I'm enjoying the food aspect of healing, I'm going freaking stir crazy about not being able to exercise. The first 2 days afterwards, I slept a lot, so not exercising was no big deal, but since then I can't to anything without my wound being sore. I tried walking on Saturday morning while The Boyfriend ran his usual route, which ended with me being in pain. I walked at lunch today, again at a slower pace, and again, I'm in pain.

So, I will not be running tomorrow as planned. I may not run this week at all, but I will keep walking, even though it makes me sore. I have to do something, I hate the slug feeling I get from sitting around.

Payoff

Today is the day I will write the check that will payoff my car.

My car, that I lusted after for like 2 years.

My car, the very first car I have purchased with my own money. (I know you probably think I am spoiled right now, but seriously, I have owned 3 cars in my entire life, one was a hand-me down from my sister. Also, I treat my cars very well, so they last).

My car that I love driving and love parking so much more (because it's so small, you see!).

My car that is very fuel efficient.

My car that will now be officially be ALL MINE!

My car that I am paying off like 4 months early.

It's a good day people.

Allergy

I am freaking sick to death of my allergy problems. This has been a particularly dreadful spring/summer and it doesn't seem to let up. Today, I am fighting off constant congestion and now it feels like a migraine is coming on.

UGH.

Sunday

This is photographic evidence of what happens when The Boyfriend and I have a Designated Driver (or we just ride along with Steve and then inform him that he's our designated driver once we get there) and we attend a Bachelor/Bachelorrette party in Glendale that had pitchers of Margarita's just sitting around for us to serve ourselves.

Afterwards, we wandered around the new outdoor mall (seriously, I was WANDERING like only a drunk person can) when I noticed they have an H&M store. I've never been in one before. The Boyfriend may never let me in one again.

Resolutions

I ALWAYS feel better when I run in the morning. No matter how much I think I want to skip it, I shouldn't. So my new resolution is that unless it is a scheduled morning off, I'm getting my behind out of bed and lacing up the running shoes. Unless it's raining. I know this is going to be extremely difficult for me, but I'm really going to try.



I have a really hard time lately bouncing back from a "meal off". I've had several things come up lately where food was served and I allowed myself to enjoy a "cheat meal". But the truth is, I don't ever completely enjoy it. I feel guilty for not eating my Nutrisystem food (it's expensive!), I usually feel like crap after my "cheat meal" (usually because they are full of sodium and I feel completely dehydrated and yucky) but I still have a hard time going back to my Nutrisystem food because there is still a longing for the bad-for-me food. So, my new resolution to try and have no more cheat meals. I'm not sure this will happen, but I'm really going to try.



Losing weight is hard. And isolating. I know that's so simplistic to say, but at first, it wasn't really that hard for me. But most of my interaction with friends includes eating out. When I don't go, I feel isolated. And frustrated. I want to be off this diet. I want to be able to eat whatever I want. I want to be at a maintenance level. But that's just not reality for me. So, my new resolution is to just deal with this. I have so many people that have been and continue to be supportive, I'm really not isolated at all. I just need to learn to tell people how I'm feeling and suggest things that do not include restaurant meals. I need to take charge and put myself and my health first. My friends will be there when I am able to eat out again.

Most of my frustration lately is due to the fact that my weight loss has slowed down. But it's only slowed down because I've been not working at it. Since it was so easy to begin with, I figured it would always be so easy. And it's not. So I've had to really re-commit myself to a healthier lifestyle and a renewed sense of really working towards my weight loss.

Even though I've lost 30 pounds, I'm still not done. There was a time when that would have overwhelmed me. Not now. Now I will just keep working towards my goal. One meal at a time.

Goal

I have 4 days to lose 1 more pound in order to get my "30 Pound Weight Loss Bear" in my next order.

It's so on.

Of course, I plan on eating out tonight, so I guess that Margarita is off the menu for me.

Oh well! 30 pounds gone feels better than any alcohol anyway.

Happy long weekend everyone!

Hello There

I'm in a "get things done" kind of mood today, so I figured I might as well update here while I'm at it.

I've lost more weight - 28 pounds in total. I've noticed that when my body is in a losing weight phase - I tend to get into this "get everything done I've been putting off" mode, which is great. I'm sure it's because I've got more energy, plus I'm pumped at losing weight and my mind set is completely different.

I wish I felt like this all the time. I wonder if I will when I hit my goal weight. I've always been a procrastinator so I don't think that will go away completely, but hopefully this is something I can maintain while I work on staying at my goal weight.

Back to wishing I felt like this all the time - the funny thing is I think I would be a happier person if I stopped procrastinating. I'm always much happier when I've accomplished what I've set out to do, although I have a tendency to be very hard on myself when I don't get there fast enough. Just recently I've had to fight off worries that I'm never going to get to my goal weight. So what if I don't lose 20 pounds by June 22. I don't think I will be that far off and either way, it won't be the end of the world.

Diet? What Diet?

I realized I forgot to let everyone know that I am now moderating comments. Only because the show is getting bigger hits on Youtube and people are finding their way here to my site and while I will not comment back to the jerks on YouTube who think it's fun to call me fat and ugly, this site is mine and mine alone, so I have no problems with providing a smack down to those who need it.

That being said, a comment I received right after the show was featured on the front page of YouTube freaked me out because I realized that the person found me through our site for the show. And I had to really think long and hard about how I wanted to deal with those types of people, the kind of come here and think they can call me names or say stupid shit to me here. My conclusion was that I would try moderating comments and see how it goes (knowing I'm overreacting a bit, but still, it was an eye opener). So, if you comment and it doesn't show up right away, that's why. Please don't let this sway you from commenting!

In other news, since I last posted about my weight I lost another pound bringing the total to 25. Although when my boss got back from vacation this week, she insisted that I must have lost a bunch more as I look very skinny to her. Not that I'm complaining, but the scale hasn't moved in a couple of weeks. I know it's no big deal, I'm still losing inches like crazy. I'm so in-between sizes right now it's just really funny to me to try and get dressed in the morning. My friend Kendra was teasing me the other day that I am the only girl she knows who is actually upset that she needs to buy more clothes because she's losing weight.

But the fact of the matter is I don't see any point in spending money on clothes I won't be able to wear in a few months. Luckily I was a bit weird about saving clothes as I grew out of them, so I have been very lucky about not having to buy too many things so far. But that will change soon.

In running news, I have definitely turned a corner recently. I've consistently dropped 2 minutes off of my time - well, I run 2 minutes faster than I was. The first time this happened The Boyfriend and I completely missed each other at our usual meeting place. Because I had been walking so slow during our warm-up, The Boyfriend rightly assumed I was running slow that day and went the wrong way to try and find me, which made things worse.

We eventually found each other at the car, but it was very odd for me to finish my run by myself. I've never done that.

Then, the next day, I was running at the same pace, but this time The Boyfriend knew where to look for me so he caught up to me much faster. I figured since I was having such a good run, I would stretch it out and run the actual 5k distance instead of just stopping at 30 minutes like I usually do.

My new time? 35.5 minutes. And I sprinted the last part!

My old time? 43. Yes, that's right, I dropped almost 8 minutes off of my time!!! My body is definitely getting used to running with less weight and I'm enjoying that immensely.

So, someone asked me recently if I was still doing Nutrisystem and my response was a resounding YES!

I can't even begin to tell you how well this has worked for me. I plan on staying on this until I reach my goal weight. It's just too easy, I really don't feel like I'm on a diet most of the time. And with the results I'm seeing, it not would not be very smart of me to stop at this point in the game.

Onward and upward.

Melting

I'm trying to figure out how to fix my boiled brain as I just can't seem to concentrate on anything lately.

Of course, it could be because I've been busy, or that it's like a thousand degrees here.

Ugh.

So, I had lunch today with 2 good friends/former co-workers - Kathy and Lisa. It was so freaking nice to see them and spend some time with them. I forget how much I miss seeing them every day until we have lunch and then I have to come back to my desk and pretend I don't miss them terribly.

Ugh again.

Thank You for Not Smoking

I should have written about this sooner. Well, I was told not to for some of this time, but you will understand shortly.

What am I so awkwardly referring to?

The Boyfriend quit smoking.


March 8th to be exact.



Yeah, I'm pretty darn excited. And proud of him.



Of course, from my point of view it looks like it was really easy for him. I'm sure it hasn't been all cake and roses, but man he makes it look easy. I don't know if he'll ever get around to posting about it on his blog, but he should cause I would like to know just exactly went on in his brain while making this change.



Anyhoo, I wanted to show him a little fanfare over this huge, monumental thing he's accomplished. I've almost forgotten that he used to smoke. I know that sounds dumb, but it's amazing how quickly you can adapt and forget after things change.



So here's to my new smoke free Boyfriend. I'm so proud of you. I know I don't say it enough, but I am.



Go give him some love on his blog. This is something worth celebrating.

Apparent Differences

There seems to be some weird weight loss anomalies happening around here. According to the scale, I am about 5-10 pounds heavier than when we shot Episode 1, and yet, I put the jeans from that episode in the goodwill pile a couple of weeks ago. I realize that a lot of that is due to the fact that the jeans are over a year old and very worn out, but still, it seems odd that they are so big on me now I had to get rid of them.

Also, when we shot Episode 1, I couldn't wear my silver ring from Tiffany's that The Boyfriend gave me for Christmas. I remember being so upset about that. And now, it fits a little loose.

So, the question is, am I really 10 pounds heavier than I was about a year ago and still, somehow thinner? I have developed some awesome leg muscles from running, but it still seems odd. I wonder if the scale we owned then was a lot more off than we realized.

In more recent news, I've lost 2 more pounds = grand total of 24 pounds gone. Vince asked me the other day how much weight I've lost, his guess being over 30, which was very sweet and made me feel awesome.

Which prompted a different conversation between The Boyfriend and I - a conversation about how I look like I've lost more weight than I have and how that's obviously something to be happy about.

And yet, I wonder. Is it all Nutrisystem? Is my body just reshuffling? Is it because I've mostly stopped drinking soda?

I don't feel bloated anymore. I don't have the horrible PMS symptoms that started over a week before my period. My ankles don't swell like they used to.

Also, according to The Boyfriend, my knees are much thinner. And I realized last night that my feet look vein-ier, which I mean in a good way.

So yeah, things are still changing.

New and (hopefully) Improved

So I finally sat down and changed the template for this place.

I've been meaning to do this for so long I've completely lost track as to when I first entertained the idea.

But, due to The Boyfriend being away on a night shoot, I finally sat down and did it. Of course, there are still some things I haven't figured out, like the fact that I've lost all the comments that were on the old site.  Well, I haven't "lost them" lost them as I still have the Halo account they are stored in, but they won't be on this site until I can figure something out.

But for now, enjoy the new look.

I certainly do.

Young @ Heart

I saw this movie yesterday and I just don't know if I can put into words how amazing it is. I had no idea going in to it that it is a documentary and I especially had no idea how much I would end up crying while watching it.

I know that doesn't sound like a ringing endorsement, but it really is. If you have the opportunity to see this film, do it, it's such an awesome ride and the music is so varied it's fascinating to see the choir's interpretations.

Also, if you go and you don't cry, you can pretty much assume that you have no soul.

Letters

Dear April -

Sorry. I just can't seem to keep up. The theme for your month ("Letters") seemed like a great idea to me a few weeks ago, I couldn't stop thinking of ways to post each and every day.

And yet somehow I stopped. Sorry again. I have no excuses, no exciting reasons, just the idea that I am a little overwhelmed and posting is the last thing on my mind lately. Also, there's nothing really going on and I fear that all I would do is write whiny things about how much I hate everything. No one wants to read that.

If The Boyfriend and I get around to purchasing the new couch we want, I promise I will be back with a vengeance.

Love -

Chez

He's Here!

I am so freaking excited to meet this little guy!

Welcome Keiran Allan Cox! You have some awesome parents so I can't wait to see what kind of amazing person you become.

Meeting

We had a meeting tonight to discuss Episodes 8 and 9 - which took around 4 hours. I love it when we have meetings where things get accomplished, I hate it when they go past my bedtime. Now I'll never be able to get to sleep since I won't be able to shut my brain off anytime soon.

Closet Shopping

The Boyfriend had some freelance work to get done tonight, so I spent the evening entertaining myself by watching "Dancing with the Stars" and trying on clothes that have been stored at the bottom of my closet.

It's been fun since clothes I haven't fit in for years are now hanging back in my closet and in rotation as stuff I can wear.

I heart losing weight. I have two "new" pair of pants that I've actually owned for years - but I've only worn once maybe twice!

Also, I have a bit of a crush on Adam Corolla. It's not enough that I listen to him most mornings on my way to work, but now he's just too cute on Dancing. I'm always very impressed when people don't take themselves too seriously in life.

Night

I hate Sunday night.  I felt this way all through school. 

I just get a little sad that the weekend is over and I have to go back to work tomorrow morning.

Hopefully, someday I will love Sunday nights - I will love my job so much that the weekend ending isn't such a sad thing to me.

Someday.

Futurama

I'm in the middle of getting ready for a costume party. Our friend Stephen loves Halloween, so for his birthday in April, he throws a costume party.

This year the theme is the "Intergallactic Ball" and everyone's costumes are supposed to have something to do with space.

Of course, being huge Futurama fans, The Boyfriend and I decided to go as Fry and Leela.

So, I'm off to go spray my hair purple! I hope it looks good.

198!

There are times when I'm amazed at my ability to post my weight on the internet and not think for one minute about how that might not be a good idea.

Oh well - today is a day for celebration!

I have officially crossed the 200 pound mark - weighing in this morning at 198!!

Goodbye 200 pounds (and over) - I will never see you again. Sorry for being so excited about that.

Dear Body

I just want to thank you for all of your hard work lately. I haven't been very good to you these past couple of years and now I'm working you even harder than ever to try and lose all this weight.

But you're hanging in there! I've even worked out twice a day most days this week and you haven't complained at all.

Even when we had The Boyfriends Mom visiting and I cheated on the diet twice for dinner, you managed to continue to lose not only weight but inches too! Go you!

I hope we can continue this love-fest of weight loss for many more months together. Just remember how proud I am of all the hard work your doing on our behalf.

Love -

Chez

Tony P's

Tonight is the last night of The Boyfriend's Mom's visit. We decided to try a new restaurant and the only thing we knew was that we wanted to eat in the Marina.

So, I jumped on my favorite website Yelp and found Tony P's Dockside Grill. We had a really nice time - the restaurants had an amazing view of the boats in the Marina (which someone actually complains about in one of the reviews!) and the ambience was very cozy.

The food was good, nothing earth shattering, but good - huge portions, well made, nicely priced.

I let myself cheat on my diet since we were going someplace new and I'm very glad I did. Even though I was cheating, I made sure I didn't overeat and make myself sick. Plus, how can you not share a dessert with the name "Chocolate Lover's Dream"?

It was a very nice time and while I'm always sad to see Marcia go, I'm so happy we shared the experience of trying a new restaurant with her before she left.

Dear Universe

I'm tired. Seriously, March has been a very busy month. And while most of it has been fun (hello, it's my birthday month after all) I'm really ready for a break.

I don't know what April has in store for me, but it doesn't feel like it's going to slow down anytime soon.

The Boyfriend and I have begun our search for a new couch. This is where my year of being a professional internet surfer come in handy. I love researching things. I really do. But buying a new couch is such an investment and I just can't make this decision quickly.

Plus, we aren't just buying a couch. We're buying a new set piece for our internet show and that adds a whole new layer of stress to an already stressful decision.

At least The Boyfriend's Mom has been visiting and she's very fun to shop with. Plus she loves furniture so she loves helping us pick out our new couch. She helped us buy our first couch which was an awesome buy (until the frame broke beyond repair), so it's somehow fitting that she's here to help us make the decision again.

So anyway, Universe? I would love for things to slow down a bit. Not much, just enough to let me feel like I can get a breathe.

Thanks -

Chez

It's Thursday?

All day I kept thinking it was Wednesday, so I'm very happy to finally realize that it's Thursday, which means tomorrow is the end of the week.

This weekend has lots of fun things happening - we are having a new photo shoot for the sitcom, with photos taken by our favorite photographer David.

And The Boyfriend's Mom is coming to visit! She's the best house-guest and just the easiest person to be around.

I just wish this was somehow another long weekend. I feel like I could use the sleep.

Tire

Nutrisystem has little articles they publish every day and I find myself surprisingly looking forward to reading them since I usually find this type of stuff annoying at best.

So, today they wrote about a new way to look at weight loss and then listed the weight equivalents of a bunch of items which I found fascinating.

At my 20 pound weight loss, I've lost the equivalent of an automobile tire.

30 pounds = one adult male koala bear.

When I reach my goal of losing 80 pounds, I will have lost approximately 3 large gold bars.

I've printed out this list and I'm going to keep it on my desk at work. It's a fun way to stay motivated.

Crap

Today has been a rough day at work. That's all I'm going to say here.

And to top it off, I started my period 4 days early.

So, all in all, freaking great day.

And yes, I realize I seem to be surprised a lot by my cycle.

Next

I'm setting my next weight loss goal - 20 more pounds by June 22nd.

Now I'm off to be spoiled at Burke Williams.

Happy Monday!

Happy Easter

I can't believe how freaking hot it is today.

Also, Islands has the best vegetarian burger I've ever had in my entire life. 

That is all.

Actual Birthday

So, today is my actual 31st Birthday. It's been a really awesome day so far, The Boyfriend and I have just laid low after yesterdays craziness.

We started the morning with an awesome run, drove to Carson to Ikea to buy a new entertainment center. They didn't have the color we wanted, so we ended up driving to Covina.

Frantically purchased the new entertainment center, stopped at Target for a couple of things and drove home to immediately start putting together the new home for the TV which The Boyfriend awesome dubbed "Barbie's Dream Entertainment Center".

We barely finished putting everything in it's place in time to quickly clean and get ready for my birthday party.

The party was awesome, I had a fabulous time! We didn't get to bed until 2:30 am. The Boyfriend very nicely let me sleep in until 9 am this morning. And then we took a nap at 2.

It's been a great day.

Dude

I totally think The Boyfriend and I bit off more than we can chew.

More tomorrow on just how busy today has been.

20!

I've officially reached my first goal - 20 pounds by my birthday. 2 days early.

Hell ya.

Crazy

Today has been just a crazy day. I started the morning in an argument with someone that was just stupid, someone broke our color printer (it was eventually fixed), our copier finally died completely (I've been spearheading the "Get a New Copier" campaign) and my boss was just insanely busy.

Top that off with a newly bloody toe from trying to get out of someone's way at Costco during lunch and I'm ready to write today off.

The only redeeming thing so far is that Life From the Inside is featured on the front page of YouTube! This is a huge honor for us. I can't even begin to tell you how awesome this is.

Of course, with attention comes more comments about how fat I am. Which again, I'm not caring about, because apparently these morons now believe that I'm a lesbian and or a tranny since I'm overweight. I have to just laugh at these miserable people that are poor excuses for human beings. It makes me so sad to realize that they probably believe I'm a lesbian whose "only a lesbian because no man would ever date her" or some other such drivel. I am so horrified to realize that there are so many people out there that need attention, even if they can only get it by being assholes online.

Again, I'm doing nothing but laughing at this, it's just so asinine. 

18

Holy crap people! I've lost 3 more pounds(I am seriously in total shock). Which means I am 2 pounds away from my first goal of "Lose 20 Pounds Before My Birthday".

So I have until Saturday to lose 2 more pounds.


It's so on.

Happy

Happy Birthday Steve Lekowicz!

Sorry, I just had to post this photo!

Also, in a very random topic change (or maybe not considering the photo), I have another pair of pants to add to the give-away pile. They have no belt loops and rolling the waistband has led to a day of "I'm fairly certain my pants are about to fall down while I'm walking" thoughts.

Not Zombie-like At All

I do not seem to be as tired today as I had predicted I would be. Which is weird since I was wide-awake at 3:30 am trying to figure out why my brain was racing and how the heck to shut it off. I have no idea how long I was awake, but it felt like forever.

I went for a walk at lunch (walk = 1 hour = 2.5 miles) which helped immensely. I feel much better after getting some exercise and out of the office. I say all this and then I will fall asleep on the couch tonight around 8!

Bruised

We finished filming today at 7 pm, which was only around 1/2 hour behind schedule. Pretty freaking amazing considering how many people were in some of the shots today.

My knees are all bruised from having to climb under a table over and over again. My shoulder hurts where I caught it on the lemonade stand yesterday while running around it for a scene.

But still, I feel pretty darn good. Tired as hell, but good.

The Boyfriend and I had some time to relax after everyone left. I called my parents, ate some dinner, took a shower and now I'm getting ready to curl up on the couch and watch a bit of tv before bed.

Tomorrow is going to be brutal. I'm sure I will be the walking dead at work.

Filming

I can't even begin to tell you how tired I am. Filming went really well today, even though we had A LOT to contend with. Beginning with insanely gusty winds, a neighbor suddenly moving out without any notice, and ending with a scene that could only be shot once due to the nature of the combat in it, there's no wonder why I am exhausted.

Episode 7 is going to be freaking insane. The Boyfriend and I keep talking about how we truely believe this will be our best episode ever.

Now I'm off to bed so that I can get some sleep before our shoot tomorrow.

Schedule

Everyone at work keeps saying things like "Happy Friday" to me and all I can think is "Oh Shit, it's Friday. I hope we have everything done for our shoot."

We are filming episode 7 all weekend, which means I will be a zombie on Monday morning. But that's okay, because next weekend is my birthday!

And the following weekend we have a photoshoot and The Boyfriend's Mom is coming to visit.

Oh great, I just made myself tired again thinking about how busy the rest of this month is going to be.

Ugh.

But, everything we are busy with will be fun, so now I feel bad that it's all weighing down on me a bit.

Maybe a nap will make me feel better?!

Dark

I freaking hate George Bush and all of his stupid ideas that are driving this country down the drain.

Why was Daylight Saving Time moved? I had a hard enough time getting up to run before it completely dark outside. Now it's nearly impossible. It's been almost a week since the time change and I still feel like the walking dead.

And, I just don't see how this is supposed to help save the environment, since I have to turn the same amount of lights on when I get up in the morning as I would have had on at night when it was dark at 6 pm.

Ugh, someone tell me how many more days until he is out of office.

It Finally Happened

So, Episode 6 of Life From the Inside is still rapidly climbing higher in numbers. We've been featured on YouTube and the front page of Revver. Which of course means we are getting more comments than before and not all of them are nice.


In fact, at least 2 of them are aimed right at me. At least 2 people have made it a point to comment on how fat I am. Which is my worst fear come true. When we first started working on our show I make it very clear I did not want people to be able to comment since I just knew something like this was going to happen. Yes, I am heavy. Yes, I look much heavier than the other 2 women on our show. And I know how the internet works. People like to be mean just for the sake of being mean.

But, the nature of having a show on the internet is that you need to let people interact with you. So, reluctantly, I acquiesced.

Here's the fun part. Right after we shot Episode 6, I weighed myself for the first time in several months (our scale had been broken for quite awhile, so I threw it out. I only weighed myself because we were house-sitting and they have a nice scale). And this is when I discovered I weighed 230 pounds. I cried. A lot. I freaked the hell out because the last time I had weighed myself I was 189 pounds. Yeah - needless to say, this realization depressed me. A lot.

So The Boyfriend and I embarked on the first part of the "Chez needs to lose a bunch of weight" adventure. And I lost 15 pounds by September! But by Thanksgiving, I gained back 5.

After Christmas, when I realized I just was not capable of doing this by myself, we were house-sitting again which means we were watching a lot of cable tv. Almost every commercial break included a commercial for Nutrisystem. I was intrigued. The Boyfriend and I talked it over and decided I should give it a shot. Even though this decision makes money very tight for us, he was 100% supportive.

It's been 2 months and I've lost 15 pounds (Yes another pound is gone!). Which means, in total, since we shot Episode 6 - I have lost 25 pounds. Just today, a co-worker called to tell me that when I walked by her office, she was astounded at how thin I look already.

So, even though my worst fear is coming true, I'm realizing that I just don't care. The world isn't ending because someone was mean to me online.

Here's how I'm dealing:

1. I am actually fat in that episode. Which means these morons are just pointing out the obvious.

2. I looked at the user profile of one of the jerks and he can't even spell the word "girlfriend" right. I am not going to let some useless, idiot, asshole (that can't spell) dictate to me how I feel about myself.

3. The Boyfriend (and our other producer Steve) were so disappointed that we are even getting these types of comments. Which makes me feel like it's not my job to be upset about them. I have other people doing that for me. Don't get me wrong, I don't like these comments at all, I just don't feel the need to freak out about them.

4. As The Boyfriend pointed out - "Think of it as practice. If we ever get famous, we'll have to deal with this kind of crap all the time."

5. I'm doing so well on Nutrisystem that it's inspired 2 friends of mine to give it a try. How can I feel bad after that?

6. My default setting is to freak out about these kinds of things. I feel like I have jumped a huge personal hurdle that I'm not crying, depressed, etc. over someone else's opinion of me.

Now here's where I pander for you to check out our show.

If this kind of stuff makes you mad, why don't you go to YouTube and leave a nice comment about our show? Or a good rating?

This is a link to the newest episode.

A List About Me

Things I Am Loving Right Now:

1. Episode 6 (Part 1) of Life From the Inside is being featured on YouTube AND Revver right now. And our viewer numbers are through the roof. It's nice to know people are watching! And taking notice - our subscriber numbers are also on the rise.

2. I ran this morning AND walked at lunch. I've burned over 700 calories in exercise today. Hell ya.

3. The Boyfriend is being exceptionally supportive through my whole weight loss/trying to run faster adventure. His new nickname for me is "skinny" and he's very quick to talk me up when I get all down on myself for not running faster/better. Seriously, he rules the "Supportive Boyfriend" role.

4. It's almost by Birthday!

5. I bought a flat-iron and tried it out for the first time last night. It rules. My hair was straight and shiny and I spent the rest of the evening annoying The Boyfriend by making him constantly feel how soft my hair was.

Things That Are Totally Bumming Me Out Right Now:

1. I found out yesterday that a former co-worker of my Dad's is in the hospital and not expected to ever get better. This really hit me harder than I expected since I haven't seen Clayton in so many years it's crazy to even try and figure it out. This guy was one of the nicest people to me whenever my Dad would bring me to the office with him. He would always chat with me about my life, joke around with me and my Dad, Always bought Girl Scout cookies from me, tease me about how I should be in sales like my Dad, etc. Just generally a cool guy that was always fun to talk to and never treated me like an annoyance when I was little and using all of their pads of paper to "draw on".

So, here's to you Clayton. I really hope you are not in any pain and if this is the end, may you go peacefully.

2. Bills/Money stuff. We don't have enough. 'Nuff said.

3. I still have a day job.

4. My friend Rachel is seriously coming up on her due date and I haven't seen her since Christmas. I am a bad friend.

5. Another friend of mine is moving away. I hope he finds what he's looking for, 'cause I'm sad to see him go.

Monday

I hate daylight saving time. There, I said it.

Now it's even harder to get up to run in the morning and when I leave work at night I feel like it's not time to eat dinner since it's still light out.

At least work flew by today. I hate feeling like a zombie while at work since then I worry that I'm forgetting something or I'm doing something wrong since I can barely concentrate.

We have no plans tonight, other than watching tv and hanging out at home. I can't even begin to tell you how much I'm looking forward to it.

Shoot

Our first shoot in a long time has ended and even though it was a long day, it was definitely a good one.

Of course there were some things that went wrong but we had a lot of fun and we shot some good stuff, so it was most definitely a good day.

I'm so freaking tired right now. I can't believe I have to get up and go to work tomorrow.

Stress

Today has been a bit stressful, we are trying to get ready for our first shoot in 6 months. The Boyfriend and I spent the morning running all over picking up a light kit from a friend and going to 3 different stores to get all the food/props we need.

Then we spent a good portion of the afternoon cleaning the apartment and finalizing props.

The worst thing is, we are having a rash of things breaking around here. Now I can add my sewing machine to the list. Ugh. I'm beginning to think the new tv we bought is cursed and it's causing everything else in our apartment to break.

So anyway, we have had a busy day and tomorrow we are shooting all day, so there is no relaxing in sight for this weekend.

Things

Things that are Broken in My Apartment:

1. The Vacuum Cleaner
2. The Couch
3. A DVD Player (since replaced, but I am saving the broken one to be e-recycled)
4. Our front window, in that it sucks to open/close, not that the actual glass is broken.
5. Probably the Microwave, if our streak continues.

Movies I am Seeing Tonight:

1. Cloverfield
2. Potentially "The Tudors" if The Boyfriend and I feel like staying up late. I know it's not a movie but I'm watching it on DVD, so it counts.

Cool Things About Today:

1. I got to have lunch with 2 friends I used to work with. I miss them terribly.
2. I get to see Cloverfield for free!
3. I've lost another pound! Grant total = 14 pounds lost. I don't care where they went.

Quote

"May happiness pursue you,





catch you often, and,





should it lose you,





be waiting ahead,





making a clearing for you."



- A.R. Ammons

I've had this quote on my desk for quite awhile now. I enjoy it every single time I read it.

Sad

I keep reading about Patrick Swayze being diagnosed with cancer which is making me so sad. Say what you want about the dude, he was cool.

I have been a huge fan of his since Dirty Dancing (of course) and I hope that the diagnosis isn't as horrible as everyone is making it out to be.

Have you seen this video? A couple staged the famous last dance of Dirty Dancing as their first wedding dance. It was huge on YouTube, so Oprah brought them on the show and Mr. Swayze showed up to surprise them. Give it a watch, it's good fun.

On a completely different note, last night's American Idol was kind of boring. I still love me some Chikezie though. He was great. My predictions are for Danny Noriega and David Hernandez to go home.

I have no idea what to watch tonight. I want to watch the women perform on American Idol, but it's the makeover show on America's Next Top Model and that is seriously the best episode they do.

I love watching the people freak when they get all of their hair cut off.

Oh Stop It

I had the same conversation twice yesterday, with different people. Here is a list of several things the conversation made me realize:

1. I'm not good at taking compliments. This is something I intend to work on, just saying "Thank You" and not feeling like I need to explain myself any further.

2. I have a pretty awesome group of people that are so completely supportive of my weight loss journey. I need to recognize that more. And not be embarassed when they tell me something supportive.

3. I don't really know why this is finally working for me weight-loss wise. But it is and that's why it's so easy to stick to.

4. I need to not brush off what exactly I am accomplishing. It's very easy for me to act like this weight loss is no big deal. But it is. I am working hard at it and I should allow myself to acknowledge that yes, there are days that I really want just sit down and eat 1/2 of a Costco Pepperoni Pizza. But it won't help whatever I'm dealing with that day. And I will feel so gross afterwards it's just not worth it.

5. I'm realizing just how much I don't miss "normal" food. Yes, I miss the Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Muffins The Boyfriend and I used to make on the weekends. But they will still be there when I reach my goal weight.

Okay, so both conversations I had yesterday entailed friends telling me how proud they were of me and how they were so impressed with the willpower I must have to stick to this diet so well. The funny thing is, I don't feel like I have any willpower at all. I eat the food I'm supposed to eat and I lose weight. The fact that I'm losing makes it so easy to stick to.

What has helped with this is that we have attended several functions where I have allowed myself to eat real food. And I did horribly! I ate everything in sight until I felt physically ill.

So, I personally know I have a lot to work on as far as what happens when I hit my goal weight and I start eating real food again. But that's quite a ways away and I don't feel much pressure to worry about that just yet (although I've definitely given it some thought). Which is part of the reason that I tend to brush off the compliments I have received.

It's hard to deal with the compliments because I am not even 1/2 way to my goal yet. I'm not even 1/4 of the way there, but I'm close. I feel like if I listen to the compliments too closely I will backtrack somehow.

But I'm working on that.

A Real List

Things I Have Thought to Myself Today:

1. Why do things always break around my birthday? (Several years ago my birthday present was a new TV and it looks like this year it's going to be a new couch as ours has decided to shed it's mortal coil no matter how many times The Boyfriend tries to fix it.) Things that break suck.

2. Maybe I should go ahead and cut off all of my hair.

3. I think I really like my hair long.

4. I should grow out my bangs. I don't love them.

5. I really need new pants. I don't think rolling the waist is that great of a look for me at work.

6. Why the hell am I so tired today?

7. I've had 3 cups of coffee, why am I still so tired?

8. Maybe I should paint my toenails. That might make me feel better.

9. I would really like a nap.

10. Is it really that hard to find a cheap purple wig?

Hike

Today was the rescheduled hike for Kathy's birthday - we hiked to Eagle Rock which was awesome. Last year some of us did the same hike for Kathy's birthday and it was the worst hiking experience for me ever.

Luckily, this year totally made up for it. It's amazing what a year can do hiking experience wise. It was so hot and I was so out of shape last year that I barely remember the hike, except for the end of it where I fell and scraped up by knee's and elbow really bad. I still have scars from it.

But this year, this year the hike was amazing! I had such a great time and was at the front of the pack almost the whole way. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. The weather was amazing, the views were spectacular and the company was top notch. It was a great way to spend a Sunday.

Happy Late Birthday Kathy!!

Free Day

Not much going on around here. The Boyfriend and I spent most of today hanging out and watching movies.

We went to Costco on Friday and The Boyfriend picked up a special edition of West Side Story. I've never seen someone so excited to find a movie on DVD. We had purchased this special edition before, but when we got it home the DVD's were broken, so he's been searching for it ever since.

I wish I liked this movie more. I mean, I like it fine, but I always find myself bored in the middle of it. I realize that it was ground-breaking for the time and the music is amazing, but still. 

Which is funny since at lunch on Friday I had a friend tell me she wouldn't be my Netflix friend because she was afraid that I would laugh at the movies she had in her queue. What this poor friend doesn't realize is that The Boyfriend is the one who watches all of the classic movies and I'm the person who makes us watch terrible horror movies because I like them in some sort of sick way.

I blame having older brothers. It's the reason I love action movies so much. And sports movies. And Aerosmith.

A Practice List

I signed up to do NaBloPoMo in March and the theme is lists - so I thought I would start a day early to get some practice in.

1. I have officially lost 13 pounds and have had to literally cinch my belt! Life is awesome.

2. I have 7 pounds to lose before March 22 to hit my first big goal of losing 20 pounds before my birthday.

3. If I do this, I get a cookie.

4. Okay, I will probably have cake instead of a cookie. And some taquitos.

5. There are days that I fear working in an office is sucking all of my soul away. I'm not really kidding.

6. The Boyfriend and I have had either rehearsals or production meetings every night this week. Tonight is our first night off and we absolutely have to go grocery shopping. So, I think tomorrow will be the official "I am not leaving the apartment except to go running" day. Everyone celebrate!

7. I'm sorry (somewhat) for turning this in to a weight loss blog, without really recording how I dealing with everything. My goal for March is to really take a look at the changes I am going through with this whole process. Not necessarily because I expect people to read it with interest, but because I want to remember what this was like so that I'm never faced with the problem of losing 80 pounds again.

8. There are days where I am horrified at what I have done to myself. I should be at a time in my life where I am comfortable in my own skin (this is something I definitely want to write more about) and yet, I am not, because I do not like what is contained within that skin. Losing the weight is definitely helping. I hope to someday make it back to the person who was gloriously unware of what she looked like. Especially while acting.

9. Today has been the longest day ever. Clock, I would just like to get home to hang with The Boyfriend? Why do you have to insist on moving so slowly?

I May Have Been a Bit Hasty

Today I am back to loving my hair. I blame yesterday on a combination of the fact that it was Tuesday and I was having a bad hair day.

I would still like to dye my hair black someday as it's the only color I have not tried, but I will have to save that for a later date.

I may have lost another pound, but I'm hesistant to record that as official as the scale was being very nice this morning. So officially I have lost 12 pounds, but tomorrow that may change to lucky number 13.

Today, I am wearing a pair of capri pants that last year were a staple in my wardrobe. Alas, this year they will be no more as the only thing holding them up is a very tightly drawn belt. Although, these may go into the "Pants I Am Going To Make Into A Skirt" pile as I do love them very much.

Did you watch American Idol last night? As much as I really hate hearing "Imagine" (only because I have been tortured over the years by that song too many times by people who fancy themselves singer/piano players) I absolutely LOVED David Archuleta's version of it. He was so smart to NOT SING THE FIRST VERSE, which is in fact the only verse most people know. I thought he did a fantastic job, although I totally dug Danny Noriega's performance as well as David Cooks. I thought the men really stepped it up, except for Jason Yeagers horrible dancing around while singing. I had to leave the room, I could not handle it.

Oh, and Luke Menard? Your acapella group is no Trenchcoats, so step off.

Official Proclamation

I hate my hair.

I just don't know what to do with it anymore. Most of the problem is that I am just too lazy to actually style it most days.

I can't cut it, I am saving that for when I hit my goal weight and then I plan on chopping my hair off and donating it, so cutting it now is out of the question.

And I can't dye it black (which is another idea I have) since we are about to shoot Episode 7 for the sitcom.

I hate it when this happens. I usually have tons of ideas/photos of what I want to do with my hair next. I guess I should spend some time trying to figure out why I have this obsessive need to change my hair all the time.

Oh yeah. By the way, I've lost 2 more pounds.

At Least I Think So

I don't know if my dentist realizes how wonderfully ironic it is to play a "blues" radio station while drilling on his patients teeth, but I thoroughly enjoyed it both the irony and his obvious love for the music.

Idol Tongue

Dear New Season of American Idol:

I'm not sure what the you are feeding the contestants during "Hollywood Week", but it seemed that every person who got up to perform last night had a purple, green or whatever color tongue. It weirds me out. Stop it.

Is this what is supposed to make this season "more dramatic than ever"! I want to find Ryan Seacrest and tape his mouth shut. His voice-over work is freaking ANNOYING.

Just because you keep telling me over and over again that the contestants are more talented this season doesn't actually make it so.

What was with all the hype about people being allowed to play instruments this season? Most of them sucked and were cut instantly. And not in any kind of dramatic fashion either!

While I do like the new way Hollywood Week has played out, it's definitely LESS dramatic than before. I miss the contestants being put in groups and the inevitable break-downs and personality clashes that followed. THAT was drama. THAT was fun to watch.

You know what's not dramatic? Introducing me to someone I've never seen before and then assuming I will give a shit when they get cut. How can I care about their sob story if I have no idea who they are until 30 seconds before they are cut from competition?

Ugh. I'm so happy the writers strike is over.

Even Less

It's Tuesday, which is my official "record my weight on my Nutrisystem account" day.

And,

I've lost an even 10 pounds!!

I think I will celebrate by purchasing a new pair of pants. I'm fairly certain that the people I work with are getting tired of seeing my ass-crack every day. I can't help it! My pants are too big and for some reason I seem to own a fair amount of pants that do not have belt loops.

But who cares, I am 1/8 of the way to my goal weight! Everyone can just deal with my offensive behind.

There's a nice joke in there somewhere, but I am too wired on coffee and excitement to find it myself.

And now for the part where I really share too much information.

So, I have read in several places that estrogen is stored in fat cells. Which means that as you lose weight, estrogen is released into your body and you can be a bit more emotional than you usually are (Everyone at this point should definitely feel sorry for The Boyfriend. I'm not kidding).

I was thinking about this a couple of weeks ago because I had been a bit more emotional than usual and it made perfect sense. Imagine to my complete surprise when I started my period 5 days early. I actually laughed out loud.

So yeah, apparently not only does losing weight mess with your emotions, it messes with your cycle.

Okay, this might only be funny to me, but still, it's been a LONG TIME since I was surprised by starting my period. I feel like I'm back in junior high.

Except I have more zits now than I did then. Figure that one out.

Once

Have you seen this movie?

If you haven't, you should. I'm not kidding, run out and see it right now.

And then go buy the album. And listen to it obsessively at work, while running, etc. And then when you're not listening to it, have the music running through your head over and over again.

Or, ya know, don't. Maybe I'm the only one who freaking loves this movie and the music.

I think it's because I don't get this excited about music from a movie that often.

Or I just really have a thing for singer/songwriters.

Whatever.

Upwards

Things are starting to look up around here. The Boyfriend and I finished the great clean-out/up of our bedroom and some of our apartment. 2 trips to Goodwill later and you can actually see a difference in the amount of stuff around our place. Getting rid of things is my new hobby.

We are in the midst of getting Episode 7 up and running. It's been pretty stressful as this is going to be a big episode in terms of props/casting/slight changes to things. But, it's all starting to slowly fall into place, so I feel like I have some breathing room, not much, but some. I think most of the stress falls in that it's been so long since we've been in production. Also, Episode 6 is on it's way to finally being finished, so that's another sigh of relief from me.

I've lost another 2 pounds - so my new grand total is 8 pounds gone. I'm finally allowing myself to get excited about this and not fret that it's all going to fall apart somehow.

Shhhh!

An Open Letter to the Stupid Idiot Sitting Behind Me at the Movies Last Friday (and her boyfriend):

Obviously, from the get-go, I knew you were an idiot. You showed up to "I Am Legend" over 20 minutes into the movie, which means you have no concept of time. Just like you have no concept of the fact that there were other people enjoying a movie and maybe you should sit your ass down quickly since you are completely disturbing those people by coming in late to a movie.

But this wasn't the topper for you. Of course not, you are an idiot. You had to ask your precious boyfriend (whose lap you were practically sitting on) every times something happened in the movie, and he had to explain to you what was going on. Which means I got to listen to all of your idiotic questions since you have no concept of whispering.

AND, finally, thanks for announcing to everyone around you that something scary just happened.

Seriously, you are a complete tool. If plots of movies are so freaking hard for you to follow (and really, "I Am Legend" is NOT THAT HARD TO FOLLOW) you should probably stick to watching movies at home so no one else has to listen to your fucking idiotic questions.

You are damn lucky that all I did was shush you a couple of times (which did nothing to shut you up. Because I am sick of having my movie going experience ruined by people like you. If being in a public setting is just to hard for your tiny mind to grasp, please for the love of all that's holy - DON'T GO TO THE MOVIE THEATER.

Or at least don't sit behind me.

Sincerely,

Chez

Rainy

It's been a very odd week for me. Bad news from a friend mixed with a rainy week and I feel all introspective and teenagery. Sometimes I am so saddened at the realization of just how short life is. Makes me wonder what I'm putting on hold that I shouldn't be.

The Boyfriend and I mostly finished cleaning out the bedroom last weekend. It looks so much better in there already and we aren't even done with the cleaning and such. Plus, we found a good home for all of our old VHS movies. We are donating them to a retirement village - a friends father-in-law lives there and they have a place that they leave videos out for anyone to borrow. It's a really nice feeling knowing someone will get a kick out of watching something that just sat around our place gathering dust. Plus, most of the movies are old school - "My Fair Lady" or "The Natural", so I think it will be a good fit.

In other "getting rid of stuff" news, I have lost 6 pounds so far on Nutrisystem. 6 pounds in 2 weeks, yeah, you could definitely say I am happy with that. The only downfall is that I am in-between sizes. Not yet thin enough to fit into the next size down pants I am saving, not heavy enough to fill out the pants I do own. It's okay, I am enjoying the fact that my clothes are all loose on me. I'd forgotten what that feels like.

Emotional Food

Yesterday was a hard day, food-wise. I'm feeling run-down and just generally unwell and all I wanted was some comfort food. So I made sure to have my Nutrisystem chicken and dumplings for dinner, which helped.

Which just confirms that I am an emotional eater and that scares the crap out of me. I wasn't always this way - I used to NOT eat when I got stressed out, which, quite frankly, is quite a bit easier to deal with than eating because you are stressed. I also never used to eat because I was bored - so I have to fight against that as well. Good lord, maybe I should take up smoking. Okay, I'm kidding, I would never take up smoking to lose weight. That would be dumb.

Speed would be a much better option. (Kidding again! Jeez, you are touchy today.)

I've lost 3 pounds so far, maybe more as the battery to our scale crapped out this morning, so I have no idea if my weighing yesterday was accurate or not. Who cares, 3 pounds in 1 week is very respectable. If I can lose 3 pounds a week until my birthday, I will have more than surpassed my goal of losing 20 pounds before then, so I'm quite happy with the results thus far.

On a different note, I just saw a screening of "27 Dresses". All I have to say is that I am nursing the most insane crush on James Marsden right now.

Pablo

Should I think it's funny or sad that I only know who Pablo Neruda is from an episode of "The Simpsons"? I found this today and I really like it:


Sonnet XVII
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Pablo Neruda

Seven

The Boyfriend and I started cleaning out our bedroom last night. The bedroom is a huge source of disappointment for both of us (as a room - get your mind out of the gutter).

The room is small, we can't really do anything with it and it's always full of random crap, especially when we are filming the sitcom.

So, onwards with the de-cluttering. I am very proud to say that we made a HUGE dent in 1/2 the room - I have a car loaded with 7 bags of stuff for a lunch time dropoff at Goodwill.

People, I can't even begin to tell you how happy this makes me. We have big plans for new dressers for the bedroom and the biggest step in getting them (besides figuring out how to pay for them) is getting our bedroom less cluttered.

Unfortunately, we still have a long way to go. Most of the stuff we are getting rid of so far is clothes and shoes. The Boyfriend and I have fallen into a routine of keepinge everything because it might be a good costume or prop as well as the clothing I am keeping because I hope I will be able to fit into it again.

You wouldn't believe how thin I used to be. I mean, holding up some of the stuff I used to wear was quite a shock. But that's okay, I have one bag of clothes I am holding on to and I will fit into them again, because they are VERY cute clothes darnit!

Soda-Less

On my journey of being healthier, I have decided to give up drinking soda. I no longer make excuses to myself that since I was drinking Diet Soda it was somehow better for me.

I started decreasing my soda intake before I started Nutrisystem so that I wouldn't have such a shock of changing my entire diet at the same time. So far, I barely miss it. I had noticed that I had a tendency to overeat at meals I would drink soda with and that when I drank water with what I am eating I don't overeat.

That being said, I am drinking more coffee and green tea, so I am still getting caffeine, just not as much as I was getting before.

I am hoping this time I can stick to this as I've tried quitting soda before. It's definitely harder for me when we eat out, but since eating out is not happening anytime soon, I think I can get myself so used to not drinking soda that ordering it will not be second nature.

Of course, I will probably have a raging addiction to iced tea soon...

Less

Guess who decided to try Nutrisystem for a few months - and then geniously decided that starting a new diet while completely pms-ing would be a good thing?

Yeah, I am brilliant.

Yesterday was my first day. It was hard. I was hungry a lot. And then today while filling out my online tracker for what I ate yesterday, I realized that I had barely eaten 1,000 calories. So, I was hungry for a reason. And grumpy! Okay, I can not in all honesty contribute the grumpiness just to hunger, but whatever.

Today has been much better. Today I have been much smarter and today I do not want to bite anyone's head off.

I mean, I do not want to bite anyone's head off out of hunger.

De-Clutter-ing

The Boyfriend and I spent this weekend embarking on a new project, the rampant, ruthless and somewhat painful decluttering of our apartment.

We have been wanting to do this for awhile now and this weekend seemed like as good as time to start as any other time.

It's part of a new way I'm trying to view the world and our apartment. I have been following quite a few blogs on green living over the past few months and they really have me thinking about my lifestyle. The Boyfriend and I try not to live above our means, but that hasn't stopped us from collecting tons of junk. It doesn't help that we both come from families that don't get rid of stuff. A habit that we are trying to break. Well, I should say, a habit I am trying to break and The Boyfriend is along for the ride (mostly willingly). And I'm taking a serious look at how I shop/spend money.

I have reached a point in my life where I just don't want to have attachments to things. Obviously, I like my stuff, but I have boxes of things I am saving and for what? For when I have a bigger home? But even if I potentially could have a bigger place to live, I fear I would just fill it with more stuff.

Another thing that is fueling this "getting rid of stuff" thing I've got going on is an article I read recently that said scientists have definitively connected people who are overweight with people who live in a cluttered environment. This makes a lot of sense to me. I feel like I am really ready to make sure I am healthy and that the place I live is healthy - which means less crap all around, which means we might actually dust every once in awhile which would be a very good thing for me since I am seriously allergic to dust.

So, yeah. Change. I love it. I embrace it.

Sitting

We have been house-sitting for the past week and because of this, our apartment is still all decorated for Christmas. Let me tell you, there is nothing more depressing than Christmas decorations way past New Years.

Tonight is our first night home and all I can think of is how we don't really have time to get the decorations down until this weekend, and yet, the idea of living with them up for the next 2 days is so very sad. Oh well.

The Holiday season is over, finally, and I am feeling a bit more normal lately. Back to running almost every day, back to eating well, etc.

Happy Holidays!

Check this out!

Holiday Acapella

How can you not appreciate this? Even if just for all the cute guys in tuxes!

Golf!

Some photos for you to enjoy of the coldest game of golf I've ever played.

Firstly - look how fetching I am in my golf attire! The hat is really just there to cover up my unwashed hair:



Here is my golf swing - don't I look like I might actually remember how to play?



My Dad and Bro tee'ing off:




The Boyfriend figured out my dirty little secret very early in the game - my most favorite thing about golf is driving the golf carts! Here are some photos I took while claiming the right to drive the cart:

Here is The Boyfriend showing off his multi-tasking skills:

And finally, here I am at the end of our 18 holes, hoping I will be able to warm up sometime within the next few days.