It's Thursday?

All day I kept thinking it was Wednesday, so I'm very happy to finally realize that it's Thursday, which means tomorrow is the end of the week.

This weekend has lots of fun things happening - we are having a new photo shoot for the sitcom, with photos taken by our favorite photographer David.

And The Boyfriend's Mom is coming to visit! She's the best house-guest and just the easiest person to be around.

I just wish this was somehow another long weekend. I feel like I could use the sleep.

Tire

Nutrisystem has little articles they publish every day and I find myself surprisingly looking forward to reading them since I usually find this type of stuff annoying at best.

So, today they wrote about a new way to look at weight loss and then listed the weight equivalents of a bunch of items which I found fascinating.

At my 20 pound weight loss, I've lost the equivalent of an automobile tire.

30 pounds = one adult male koala bear.

When I reach my goal of losing 80 pounds, I will have lost approximately 3 large gold bars.

I've printed out this list and I'm going to keep it on my desk at work. It's a fun way to stay motivated.

Crap

Today has been a rough day at work. That's all I'm going to say here.

And to top it off, I started my period 4 days early.

So, all in all, freaking great day.

And yes, I realize I seem to be surprised a lot by my cycle.

Next

I'm setting my next weight loss goal - 20 more pounds by June 22nd.

Now I'm off to be spoiled at Burke Williams.

Happy Monday!

Happy Easter

I can't believe how freaking hot it is today.

Also, Islands has the best vegetarian burger I've ever had in my entire life. 

That is all.

Actual Birthday

So, today is my actual 31st Birthday. It's been a really awesome day so far, The Boyfriend and I have just laid low after yesterdays craziness.

We started the morning with an awesome run, drove to Carson to Ikea to buy a new entertainment center. They didn't have the color we wanted, so we ended up driving to Covina.

Frantically purchased the new entertainment center, stopped at Target for a couple of things and drove home to immediately start putting together the new home for the TV which The Boyfriend awesome dubbed "Barbie's Dream Entertainment Center".

We barely finished putting everything in it's place in time to quickly clean and get ready for my birthday party.

The party was awesome, I had a fabulous time! We didn't get to bed until 2:30 am. The Boyfriend very nicely let me sleep in until 9 am this morning. And then we took a nap at 2.

It's been a great day.

Dude

I totally think The Boyfriend and I bit off more than we can chew.

More tomorrow on just how busy today has been.

20!

I've officially reached my first goal - 20 pounds by my birthday. 2 days early.

Hell ya.

Crazy

Today has been just a crazy day. I started the morning in an argument with someone that was just stupid, someone broke our color printer (it was eventually fixed), our copier finally died completely (I've been spearheading the "Get a New Copier" campaign) and my boss was just insanely busy.

Top that off with a newly bloody toe from trying to get out of someone's way at Costco during lunch and I'm ready to write today off.

The only redeeming thing so far is that Life From the Inside is featured on the front page of YouTube! This is a huge honor for us. I can't even begin to tell you how awesome this is.

Of course, with attention comes more comments about how fat I am. Which again, I'm not caring about, because apparently these morons now believe that I'm a lesbian and or a tranny since I'm overweight. I have to just laugh at these miserable people that are poor excuses for human beings. It makes me so sad to realize that they probably believe I'm a lesbian whose "only a lesbian because no man would ever date her" or some other such drivel. I am so horrified to realize that there are so many people out there that need attention, even if they can only get it by being assholes online.

Again, I'm doing nothing but laughing at this, it's just so asinine. 

18

Holy crap people! I've lost 3 more pounds(I am seriously in total shock). Which means I am 2 pounds away from my first goal of "Lose 20 Pounds Before My Birthday".

So I have until Saturday to lose 2 more pounds.


It's so on.

Happy

Happy Birthday Steve Lekowicz!

Sorry, I just had to post this photo!

Also, in a very random topic change (or maybe not considering the photo), I have another pair of pants to add to the give-away pile. They have no belt loops and rolling the waistband has led to a day of "I'm fairly certain my pants are about to fall down while I'm walking" thoughts.

Not Zombie-like At All

I do not seem to be as tired today as I had predicted I would be. Which is weird since I was wide-awake at 3:30 am trying to figure out why my brain was racing and how the heck to shut it off. I have no idea how long I was awake, but it felt like forever.

I went for a walk at lunch (walk = 1 hour = 2.5 miles) which helped immensely. I feel much better after getting some exercise and out of the office. I say all this and then I will fall asleep on the couch tonight around 8!

Bruised

We finished filming today at 7 pm, which was only around 1/2 hour behind schedule. Pretty freaking amazing considering how many people were in some of the shots today.

My knees are all bruised from having to climb under a table over and over again. My shoulder hurts where I caught it on the lemonade stand yesterday while running around it for a scene.

But still, I feel pretty darn good. Tired as hell, but good.

The Boyfriend and I had some time to relax after everyone left. I called my parents, ate some dinner, took a shower and now I'm getting ready to curl up on the couch and watch a bit of tv before bed.

Tomorrow is going to be brutal. I'm sure I will be the walking dead at work.

Filming

I can't even begin to tell you how tired I am. Filming went really well today, even though we had A LOT to contend with. Beginning with insanely gusty winds, a neighbor suddenly moving out without any notice, and ending with a scene that could only be shot once due to the nature of the combat in it, there's no wonder why I am exhausted.

Episode 7 is going to be freaking insane. The Boyfriend and I keep talking about how we truely believe this will be our best episode ever.

Now I'm off to bed so that I can get some sleep before our shoot tomorrow.

Schedule

Everyone at work keeps saying things like "Happy Friday" to me and all I can think is "Oh Shit, it's Friday. I hope we have everything done for our shoot."

We are filming episode 7 all weekend, which means I will be a zombie on Monday morning. But that's okay, because next weekend is my birthday!

And the following weekend we have a photoshoot and The Boyfriend's Mom is coming to visit.

Oh great, I just made myself tired again thinking about how busy the rest of this month is going to be.

Ugh.

But, everything we are busy with will be fun, so now I feel bad that it's all weighing down on me a bit.

Maybe a nap will make me feel better?!

Dark

I freaking hate George Bush and all of his stupid ideas that are driving this country down the drain.

Why was Daylight Saving Time moved? I had a hard enough time getting up to run before it completely dark outside. Now it's nearly impossible. It's been almost a week since the time change and I still feel like the walking dead.

And, I just don't see how this is supposed to help save the environment, since I have to turn the same amount of lights on when I get up in the morning as I would have had on at night when it was dark at 6 pm.

Ugh, someone tell me how many more days until he is out of office.

It Finally Happened

So, Episode 6 of Life From the Inside is still rapidly climbing higher in numbers. We've been featured on YouTube and the front page of Revver. Which of course means we are getting more comments than before and not all of them are nice.


In fact, at least 2 of them are aimed right at me. At least 2 people have made it a point to comment on how fat I am. Which is my worst fear come true. When we first started working on our show I make it very clear I did not want people to be able to comment since I just knew something like this was going to happen. Yes, I am heavy. Yes, I look much heavier than the other 2 women on our show. And I know how the internet works. People like to be mean just for the sake of being mean.

But, the nature of having a show on the internet is that you need to let people interact with you. So, reluctantly, I acquiesced.

Here's the fun part. Right after we shot Episode 6, I weighed myself for the first time in several months (our scale had been broken for quite awhile, so I threw it out. I only weighed myself because we were house-sitting and they have a nice scale). And this is when I discovered I weighed 230 pounds. I cried. A lot. I freaked the hell out because the last time I had weighed myself I was 189 pounds. Yeah - needless to say, this realization depressed me. A lot.

So The Boyfriend and I embarked on the first part of the "Chez needs to lose a bunch of weight" adventure. And I lost 15 pounds by September! But by Thanksgiving, I gained back 5.

After Christmas, when I realized I just was not capable of doing this by myself, we were house-sitting again which means we were watching a lot of cable tv. Almost every commercial break included a commercial for Nutrisystem. I was intrigued. The Boyfriend and I talked it over and decided I should give it a shot. Even though this decision makes money very tight for us, he was 100% supportive.

It's been 2 months and I've lost 15 pounds (Yes another pound is gone!). Which means, in total, since we shot Episode 6 - I have lost 25 pounds. Just today, a co-worker called to tell me that when I walked by her office, she was astounded at how thin I look already.

So, even though my worst fear is coming true, I'm realizing that I just don't care. The world isn't ending because someone was mean to me online.

Here's how I'm dealing:

1. I am actually fat in that episode. Which means these morons are just pointing out the obvious.

2. I looked at the user profile of one of the jerks and he can't even spell the word "girlfriend" right. I am not going to let some useless, idiot, asshole (that can't spell) dictate to me how I feel about myself.

3. The Boyfriend (and our other producer Steve) were so disappointed that we are even getting these types of comments. Which makes me feel like it's not my job to be upset about them. I have other people doing that for me. Don't get me wrong, I don't like these comments at all, I just don't feel the need to freak out about them.

4. As The Boyfriend pointed out - "Think of it as practice. If we ever get famous, we'll have to deal with this kind of crap all the time."

5. I'm doing so well on Nutrisystem that it's inspired 2 friends of mine to give it a try. How can I feel bad after that?

6. My default setting is to freak out about these kinds of things. I feel like I have jumped a huge personal hurdle that I'm not crying, depressed, etc. over someone else's opinion of me.

Now here's where I pander for you to check out our show.

If this kind of stuff makes you mad, why don't you go to YouTube and leave a nice comment about our show? Or a good rating?

This is a link to the newest episode.

A List About Me

Things I Am Loving Right Now:

1. Episode 6 (Part 1) of Life From the Inside is being featured on YouTube AND Revver right now. And our viewer numbers are through the roof. It's nice to know people are watching! And taking notice - our subscriber numbers are also on the rise.

2. I ran this morning AND walked at lunch. I've burned over 700 calories in exercise today. Hell ya.

3. The Boyfriend is being exceptionally supportive through my whole weight loss/trying to run faster adventure. His new nickname for me is "skinny" and he's very quick to talk me up when I get all down on myself for not running faster/better. Seriously, he rules the "Supportive Boyfriend" role.

4. It's almost by Birthday!

5. I bought a flat-iron and tried it out for the first time last night. It rules. My hair was straight and shiny and I spent the rest of the evening annoying The Boyfriend by making him constantly feel how soft my hair was.

Things That Are Totally Bumming Me Out Right Now:

1. I found out yesterday that a former co-worker of my Dad's is in the hospital and not expected to ever get better. This really hit me harder than I expected since I haven't seen Clayton in so many years it's crazy to even try and figure it out. This guy was one of the nicest people to me whenever my Dad would bring me to the office with him. He would always chat with me about my life, joke around with me and my Dad, Always bought Girl Scout cookies from me, tease me about how I should be in sales like my Dad, etc. Just generally a cool guy that was always fun to talk to and never treated me like an annoyance when I was little and using all of their pads of paper to "draw on".

So, here's to you Clayton. I really hope you are not in any pain and if this is the end, may you go peacefully.

2. Bills/Money stuff. We don't have enough. 'Nuff said.

3. I still have a day job.

4. My friend Rachel is seriously coming up on her due date and I haven't seen her since Christmas. I am a bad friend.

5. Another friend of mine is moving away. I hope he finds what he's looking for, 'cause I'm sad to see him go.

Monday

I hate daylight saving time. There, I said it.

Now it's even harder to get up to run in the morning and when I leave work at night I feel like it's not time to eat dinner since it's still light out.

At least work flew by today. I hate feeling like a zombie while at work since then I worry that I'm forgetting something or I'm doing something wrong since I can barely concentrate.

We have no plans tonight, other than watching tv and hanging out at home. I can't even begin to tell you how much I'm looking forward to it.

Shoot

Our first shoot in a long time has ended and even though it was a long day, it was definitely a good one.

Of course there were some things that went wrong but we had a lot of fun and we shot some good stuff, so it was most definitely a good day.

I'm so freaking tired right now. I can't believe I have to get up and go to work tomorrow.

Stress

Today has been a bit stressful, we are trying to get ready for our first shoot in 6 months. The Boyfriend and I spent the morning running all over picking up a light kit from a friend and going to 3 different stores to get all the food/props we need.

Then we spent a good portion of the afternoon cleaning the apartment and finalizing props.

The worst thing is, we are having a rash of things breaking around here. Now I can add my sewing machine to the list. Ugh. I'm beginning to think the new tv we bought is cursed and it's causing everything else in our apartment to break.

So anyway, we have had a busy day and tomorrow we are shooting all day, so there is no relaxing in sight for this weekend.

Things

Things that are Broken in My Apartment:

1. The Vacuum Cleaner
2. The Couch
3. A DVD Player (since replaced, but I am saving the broken one to be e-recycled)
4. Our front window, in that it sucks to open/close, not that the actual glass is broken.
5. Probably the Microwave, if our streak continues.

Movies I am Seeing Tonight:

1. Cloverfield
2. Potentially "The Tudors" if The Boyfriend and I feel like staying up late. I know it's not a movie but I'm watching it on DVD, so it counts.

Cool Things About Today:

1. I got to have lunch with 2 friends I used to work with. I miss them terribly.
2. I get to see Cloverfield for free!
3. I've lost another pound! Grant total = 14 pounds lost. I don't care where they went.

Quote

"May happiness pursue you,





catch you often, and,





should it lose you,





be waiting ahead,





making a clearing for you."



- A.R. Ammons

I've had this quote on my desk for quite awhile now. I enjoy it every single time I read it.

Sad

I keep reading about Patrick Swayze being diagnosed with cancer which is making me so sad. Say what you want about the dude, he was cool.

I have been a huge fan of his since Dirty Dancing (of course) and I hope that the diagnosis isn't as horrible as everyone is making it out to be.

Have you seen this video? A couple staged the famous last dance of Dirty Dancing as their first wedding dance. It was huge on YouTube, so Oprah brought them on the show and Mr. Swayze showed up to surprise them. Give it a watch, it's good fun.

On a completely different note, last night's American Idol was kind of boring. I still love me some Chikezie though. He was great. My predictions are for Danny Noriega and David Hernandez to go home.

I have no idea what to watch tonight. I want to watch the women perform on American Idol, but it's the makeover show on America's Next Top Model and that is seriously the best episode they do.

I love watching the people freak when they get all of their hair cut off.

Oh Stop It

I had the same conversation twice yesterday, with different people. Here is a list of several things the conversation made me realize:

1. I'm not good at taking compliments. This is something I intend to work on, just saying "Thank You" and not feeling like I need to explain myself any further.

2. I have a pretty awesome group of people that are so completely supportive of my weight loss journey. I need to recognize that more. And not be embarassed when they tell me something supportive.

3. I don't really know why this is finally working for me weight-loss wise. But it is and that's why it's so easy to stick to.

4. I need to not brush off what exactly I am accomplishing. It's very easy for me to act like this weight loss is no big deal. But it is. I am working hard at it and I should allow myself to acknowledge that yes, there are days that I really want just sit down and eat 1/2 of a Costco Pepperoni Pizza. But it won't help whatever I'm dealing with that day. And I will feel so gross afterwards it's just not worth it.

5. I'm realizing just how much I don't miss "normal" food. Yes, I miss the Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Muffins The Boyfriend and I used to make on the weekends. But they will still be there when I reach my goal weight.

Okay, so both conversations I had yesterday entailed friends telling me how proud they were of me and how they were so impressed with the willpower I must have to stick to this diet so well. The funny thing is, I don't feel like I have any willpower at all. I eat the food I'm supposed to eat and I lose weight. The fact that I'm losing makes it so easy to stick to.

What has helped with this is that we have attended several functions where I have allowed myself to eat real food. And I did horribly! I ate everything in sight until I felt physically ill.

So, I personally know I have a lot to work on as far as what happens when I hit my goal weight and I start eating real food again. But that's quite a ways away and I don't feel much pressure to worry about that just yet (although I've definitely given it some thought). Which is part of the reason that I tend to brush off the compliments I have received.

It's hard to deal with the compliments because I am not even 1/2 way to my goal yet. I'm not even 1/4 of the way there, but I'm close. I feel like if I listen to the compliments too closely I will backtrack somehow.

But I'm working on that.

A Real List

Things I Have Thought to Myself Today:

1. Why do things always break around my birthday? (Several years ago my birthday present was a new TV and it looks like this year it's going to be a new couch as ours has decided to shed it's mortal coil no matter how many times The Boyfriend tries to fix it.) Things that break suck.

2. Maybe I should go ahead and cut off all of my hair.

3. I think I really like my hair long.

4. I should grow out my bangs. I don't love them.

5. I really need new pants. I don't think rolling the waist is that great of a look for me at work.

6. Why the hell am I so tired today?

7. I've had 3 cups of coffee, why am I still so tired?

8. Maybe I should paint my toenails. That might make me feel better.

9. I would really like a nap.

10. Is it really that hard to find a cheap purple wig?

Hike

Today was the rescheduled hike for Kathy's birthday - we hiked to Eagle Rock which was awesome. Last year some of us did the same hike for Kathy's birthday and it was the worst hiking experience for me ever.

Luckily, this year totally made up for it. It's amazing what a year can do hiking experience wise. It was so hot and I was so out of shape last year that I barely remember the hike, except for the end of it where I fell and scraped up by knee's and elbow really bad. I still have scars from it.

But this year, this year the hike was amazing! I had such a great time and was at the front of the pack almost the whole way. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. The weather was amazing, the views were spectacular and the company was top notch. It was a great way to spend a Sunday.

Happy Late Birthday Kathy!!

Free Day

Not much going on around here. The Boyfriend and I spent most of today hanging out and watching movies.

We went to Costco on Friday and The Boyfriend picked up a special edition of West Side Story. I've never seen someone so excited to find a movie on DVD. We had purchased this special edition before, but when we got it home the DVD's were broken, so he's been searching for it ever since.

I wish I liked this movie more. I mean, I like it fine, but I always find myself bored in the middle of it. I realize that it was ground-breaking for the time and the music is amazing, but still. 

Which is funny since at lunch on Friday I had a friend tell me she wouldn't be my Netflix friend because she was afraid that I would laugh at the movies she had in her queue. What this poor friend doesn't realize is that The Boyfriend is the one who watches all of the classic movies and I'm the person who makes us watch terrible horror movies because I like them in some sort of sick way.

I blame having older brothers. It's the reason I love action movies so much. And sports movies. And Aerosmith.